Nan Mustard's Recovery

This blog is a record of Erin (Nan) Mustard's recovery.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Nan's condition is worsening

Dear Family and Friends,
As I write this evening it is with a very heavy heart. I've not seen Nan this ill since she was in intensive care in Boston. To me as a lay person it does not appear that the antibiotic that has been given to us to administer is adequate to combat the infection in her blood stream and body. We went to bed late last night, about 12:30 and she was only up a couple times during the night seeking my help, one time was to help her find her flashlight, another find her water bottle. She was fever free during the night while the house temp plummeted to 61. Dana decided late last evening that she would try to go home today if there was room and there was. So around 7 this morning Dana came down and I heard she and nan talking quite a bit and the conversation went well, lucid and understanding. We left at 8 for the airport and only later did I realize that for the first time in a very long time I had left my phone at home. I never leave Nan's side without the phone connection being secure. I dropped Dana off at 9 and she managed to get on the flight and it was direct to Houston. She called mid afternoon to say she was home and getting a taxi. So that part of the day went well.
When I came back to the house Nan was ready to move to the recliner. She was very weak when trying to stand up between bed and wheel chair but we managed fine and placed her carefully in the recliner where she snuggled in. The room was now 63 degrees. I located the little space heater and ran it until we were up to 65. Nan settled into a deep troubled sleep and Marilyn was not able to get her to take her pills at 8 like usual. So around 10 we tried again but Nan could not focus on the task at hand of picking up the pills and putting them into her mouth. We tried everything to encourage her but to no avail. Finally Marilyn placed one pill at a time in her mouth and she swallowed just fine. Nan has been extremely low today, she hardly speaks, she hardly opens her eyes and she is breathing more rapidly than normal. It was the morning for the antibiotic so we pushed that in, gave her a tiny dose of adavan and she has slept nearly all the day waking only for a few minutes to look about somewhat confused. It appears clear to marilyn and me that the infection is not being treated adequately. It is true she has had only very low grade fevers for the past few days but Nan is in very serious trouble.
As I have worked today my heart was sitting next to her in the family room and every few minutes I would rise and just go stand by her chair, stroking her knee or speaking quietly to her, smiling and letting her know how much she is loved by the whole world it seems, certainly by her family and friends. I have visited hospitals often over the years when I was in ministry and I'm not very comfortable with what I am seeing right now in my dear Nan.
Terry will come at 7:30 tomorrow to draw blood. We hope to hear from someone with results of the blood culture taken last Wednesday and I plan to call our friend, Peter Benstock, who is an infectious disease doctor to see if he can make some recommendations.
If there was ever a time when Nan needs our prayers it is now. This has been a dismal dreary day. On a less important front our financial fortunes are worsening. Although I continue to put numbers on the books the payments coming to us are few and far between. Our accounting system has developed bugs and won't let us send our normal statements out and today our back up battery system for the computers is beeping and blinking suggesting yet another problem at hand.
I have lived my life up to this point with the motto, when the going gets tough the tough get going yet I am discovering a level of discouragement and depression over Nan's condition that permeates everything. For the first time in a very long time I am doubting every move I make for good reason, they seem to not work out well.
yes, you have noticed that by now this is not an up blog tonight. I feel the weight of the world, Nan's condition, our financial challenges, my 75 lbs of extra weight..... I feel it all.
I know a lot of things and I know how to battle back from problems but at this moment I seem to have forgotten how to reach down inside and find the will to fight again.
If you know someone who is willing to make an unsecured loan to help keep us afloat let them know our number. Nan and I are both covered by small life insurance policies but they are not the kind you can borrow against. I have even considered cashing in the only retirement account we have but that seems very short sighted and the penalties would be nasty for taking it out early.
Can I ask you to pray using your power prayers, seeking God's help for Nan. She so needs divine help right now. Yes we also need God's help with other matters but they are secondary to Nan's battle for her life.
I want to thank each one of you who wrote to the blog today. Be assured I read every word over and over again seeking faith and strength from your messages.

We send our love to each of you, thanking you for your prayers and concern.

love

tim and nan and marilyn
ps Thank you Lord for giving Dana a direct flight home today, to her family and to her own bed to recover. Thank you Lord for making her so tender hearted, so caring, so generous, so thoughtful, so talented.
Thank you Lord for bringing Marilyn back to us safely through the night, thank you for her tender care, her gentle words, her thoughtful suggestions, her arms of love for Nan. These two are good gifts from God and we treasure them both more than words can say.

8 Comments:

  • At 9:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Tim,

    It is so hard understand why Nan and you have gone so long with all the pain. I read the blogs every single day either before I go to bed or first thing when I get up. Art talks to you several times a day. Yes, today you seem very low. We are praying for both of you. We are going to try to go see you this week before we leave for Indio.

    Try to rest - everything is in God's hands.
    ---Connie

     
  • At 11:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    PLEASE STOP AND GET OUT THE VEHICLE

    IT IS TIME TO TAKE A RIDE IN SOMETHING ELSE!

    Please join me out back. Bring your coat if you wish. Walk to the end of the pier. Close you eyes and take 3 long slow breaths. Now look up and listen with your eyes.

    You are in a new place. A place that gives no special consideration for the gravitationaly enhanced. A place where no one cares how much money you have or owe. In fact there is only one thing here in this place. Love, something you have an abundance of. Something really worth having.

    You are patient and kind. You do not envy or boast. You are not rude, self seeking or easily angered. Tim for a moment do not look at your situation but instead look into the eyes of the people around you. In the reflextion you will see love. See what we see. A man who loves his wife, loves his friends and loves his God well.

    Where there is love there is no place for dispare.

    Love to you this day and everyday dear friend.

    Wes

     
  • At 3:59 AM, Anonymous roger and carol said…

    My heart aches for you this a.m. as I see your distress. I'm sure you feel very helpless about now. You have done everything in your power to help Nan feel better. You have gone way beyond the norm in getting medical help for her. You have dedicated your entire life to caring for her physical and emotional needs. It is certainly understandable that you are feeling a bit "down" when your whole world it is crashing down on you. No, it is not a sign of defeat! We live in a sick world that comes with pain, suffering, discouragement, helplessness. It is then that we can but turn to rest in the arms of our Lord and Savior. The good news is that we know the end of the story ~ soon "God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes... there shall be no more death, no sorrow, no crying, no pain..." Jesus IS coming very soon and when you are reunited Nan will have a perfect body. Oh what a glorious day that will be!

    We love you both, Tim. Go with Wes today and "walk to the end of the pier... take 3 long slow breaths. Look up and listen with your eyes". God is near even if you can't feel his presence right now. Know we are holding you close in thought and prayer.

    A special amount of love and prayers today ~ Carol

     
  • At 5:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Tim,

    I have not the eloquent words to express as do the others.

    I have not read the blog since Wednesday and am saddened to read the dispair in your words today.

    Nan's life has been extended by so much because of the care given to her by you and the surrounding friends and relatives. I cannot see how you could have done more.

    Why does this happen, why do so many have to suffer so much? The sun will shine again, you will feel better, if not today but with time.

    I watch a member of my family suffering another illness and understand the stress of being the caregiver. Your's is compounded 10 fold more than mine.

    I pray for the day to dawn and a feeling of calm to come over you so that you will be able to deal with "everything".

    love to you both

    sue m

     
  • At 8:51 AM, Anonymous Bob & Carrol. said…

    Tim,

    How We hurt for You & Nan and Pray that the Lord will see fit to turn things for the better. What ever happens We know to trust that He knows what is best for each of Us.

    You have been so strong and supportive for so long that it is no wonder that You are feeling low but be assured that All of Us who read the blog every day are United in Prayer for Your family. You have brought so much comfort & support to so many over the Years and some day, there will be that "Great Reunion" when We all will again join in fellowship with "Abundant Joy" forever with Our Dear Savior. How We all look for that Day to come soon.

    May the Lord pour out a special blessing on You today.

    Bob & Carrol.

     
  • At 7:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thank you for your call tonight. I feel very helpless and torn. I could understand Nan's "I love you more" but not real sure of the complete jest of the conversation. I wish I could be there now and will try to work things out to come ASAP.
    Keep looking up and let God make the judgements of what is to be. He loves with a love that we are not able to understand. When your faith grows weak, remember you can lean on mine. I pray that you all will feel the warmth and security of His presence deep inside you, for we know without a doubt that He will never leave you. My love to each of you.

    Sharon

     
  • At 7:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thank you for your call tonight. I feel very helpless and torn. I could understand Nan's "I love you more" but not real sure of the complete jest of the conversation. I wish I could be there now and will try to work things out to come ASAP.
    Keep looking up and let God make the judgements of what is to be. He loves with a love that we are not able to understand. When your faith grows weak, remember you can lean on mine. I pray that you all will feel the warmth and security of His presence deep inside you, for we know without a doubt that He will never leave you. My love to each of you.

    Sharon

     
  • At 12:01 AM, Anonymous barbie said…

    Dear Tim, You are the BEST! You have done more than enough...your love to Nan is an inspiration to all who read this blog!! I don't know you, Wes, but your messages in the blog are always of interest and this one today just touches my heart. How I wish there was more joy right now in the Mustard household. Your heart is aching, Tim, and we can certainly "feel" it in the blog. Keep up your courage and stay close to our Heavenly Father...He will bring comfort to you...more than the rest of us can supply. My prayers are ascending for you and Nan. God bless and good night. Love you both, Barbie

     

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