Losing Dana..

Dear Friends and Family,

Writing at about 10 this evening. Nan and Dana spent the majority of the day together today. Dana packed her things, cooked yummy meals, helped care for Keanna, was her normal energize bunny self. We can tell she is looking forward to heading home and we don't blame her at all. nan and I are just very grateful that she was able to come arriving on Christmas day. She has helped so much on an emotional level with nan and on a very practical level packing up things, getting rid of boxes and things we no longer need, cleaning, taking down the live Christmas tree, feeding all of us and cheering us up when possible.

Keanna slept the entire night not even waking to hear the nit wits with their fireworks at midnight. Starr certainly woke up and of course then we did too. Nan wished me happy new year and then we tried to go back to sleep. Lady was so frightened by the sound of the fireworks that she left the foot of the bed and came right up to our pillows, shaking like a little leaf.

Terri, our visiting nurse came today to draw blood and take Nan's vitals. No fever and heart rate was 116. Nan has had a very rough day with more nausea than usual and times of pain from the nephrostomy tube insertion areas. She has not enjoyed the day but Dana, Keanna and Nikki helped keep her spirits up. This morning Keanna learned how to do the intercom on our phone system which is wireless. So she and Grammy talked often until the game got old. It was so cute to hear her on the phone with her grammy. Dana made a special trip to the store for just the right foods for Keanna's breakfast but Keanna was not too hungry for breakfast. Later when her mommy arrived we all had a good lunch and Keanna felt more like eating. Today we unpacked the special boots Nikki gave her mom. They both massage and heat and are lined with fleece. So Nan has four choices when it comes to massaging her feet and so far we've explored two of them with more to come. Dana has found that Nan enjoys rice and cooked up some extra for tomorrow and beyond. Nan really likes the olives Jason and Jo's neighbor sent, big green olives with just the right spice cured in.

I emailed the doctors from UCSF today about several concerns we have regarding the black fluid that is escaping from Nan's wound and illiostomy. Even though Max Meng was out of the country he replied with an email which was very helpful to us. Terri is urging us to try different nausea meds which we are willing to do if we can get them. nan has been bidding all day on ebay attempting to purchase a electronic device which helps lots of people with nausea but after watching it carefully for hours someone outbid her at the last minute and she lost it. Errr. So she will try again tomorrow on another one.

We are enjoying the wonderful odors that come from a little electric device which melts wax and releases delightful smells into the air. Nan becomes so sensitive to various odors we have to be very careful even about cooking things or it sets her off.

Tomorrow we need to get serious about finding more firewood. It is our only source of heat and our pile is getting down low. We got to burn the scraps from yesterdays building project in the garage and they burn hot. That has been fun.

I have been working nearly all day at appraisal writing and actually have several reports done and out. I'm in the final stages of a relo which takes hours to do. had hoped to be done by tonight but now it will be morning before completing the work. I am very thankful for the response from those who owe us money. It has helped a great deal as we close out the year. We are still very deep but less deep than 3 months ago.

My heart is almost always heavy these days as I see mom struggle to find some joy and only end up finding pain and suffering. I can see how she longs for some relief, she needs a break from this grind and I am asking God to step in and help solve the nausea. The leaking is less and we change the dressing twice a day. It is saturated when we change it but nothing like it was two months ago. Nan enjoys not having to have the heavy bag connected to her tummy. And in fact that is where I need to be right now, changing the dressing before she falls asleep. So I'll wish you a happy new year and I'll wish Nan a happy new year as well. The life we now lead is pretty difficult, its no fun to either be the one hurting and suffering or be the one watching the pain and suffering. So when you break the routine with a call or a card, it helps a lot. I personally am touched by calls from Jason and Nikki, by Art and my brother Jerry. While I like talking to anyone who calls I especially like to hear from Art, Jerry and Pam. And I love the responses by Wes, Sharon, Carrol and Bob and Carol and Roger, write when you have time, any comments are a great boost to our courage.

I am thankful that Nan has been able to enjoy the season as much as she has. When one stands back and looks at the entire situation, the surgery, the setbacks, the health issues it is nothing short of a miracle for Nan to be where she is now in her recovery. We just want more always.

So we send our love to you and seek your prayers.

tim and nan and dana