Nan Mustard's Recovery

This blog is a record of Erin (Nan) Mustard's recovery.

Monday, November 26, 2007

This is so sad,

Dear Family and Friends,
How can I begin to convey this day to you for Nan. We slept soundly from 4:30 to 8:30 this morning and when I heard Nan move then I climbed out from under my blanket. We took pills. She was somewhat alert but had been having some mental wanderings during the night. Nan is very low, her chest moves rapidly with short breathing, her eyes look different. Word came from two sources that the latest, last Wednesday, blood cultures grew nothing indicating no infection. Yet Nan's behavior is the same as when she has had blood infection several times over the past few months.
Terry came this afternoon and drew blood for our weekly normal assessment. Her reading of nan's condition was pretty grim, indicating that we could lose Nan at any time now. Early this evening I was rubbing Nan's knee and decided to change the fistula bandage, as I began to open it up I found it was full of blood, a small abrasion at the upper end of the incision wound that has healed and located right next to the tumor had opened up into a bleeding area. When I took off the bandages the blood flowed freely. Marilyn came and repacked the entire area with gauze, layer and layer and then covered it with abd pad and taped it in place. That was several hours ago and we have been watching it to see if the blood flow has been curtailed. We are getting a little bit of leakage below the bandage and we are not sure whether the bleeding has mostly stopped or not. So we have been waffling, do we call 911 and have her transported to the hospital or not. So far I've not been willing to begin that process which will be brutal to her as she is shuffled from bed to bed and waits for hours for care. However if the flow continues we may still have to call 911 and go through the process. Marilyn just came in to tell me that the wound is continuing to ooze blood and the flow has not been stopped. How I wish it would stop bleeding, Nan has had a tough impossible day already and I'm not sure what to do. I also know how confusing Nan's condition is to those in the ER where they try to solve everything which in Nan's case they can't do. We do not feel we can just take her in the car because she cannot stand up anymore and moving her under these conditions would be very dangerous to her and foolish.
Nikki and Keanna came this evening to visit Nan and it was so precious to see Nikki helping her mom sip water and just being with her.
I have talked to the family about Nan's current condition and now the bleeding just compounds our concerns more. One unfortunate thing is that if we use 911 they will only transport her to the nearest hospital which in this case is Antioch, our least favorite place for care. Some things are not really up to us though.
Now its hours later. We have talked to the doctor and we are trying to just control the bleeding as much as possible tonight and at 8 am Terry, our nurse, will call the doctor to get some special medical glue that can patch up leaking spots like Nan has. However we now have a grave new concern. When we emptied the colostomy bag a few minutes ago both Marilyn and I are pretty sure that what we saw as we emptied the beeker into the toilet was blood, large amounts of it. I had thought that was what I saw the other day when I emptied the colostomy. We could easily be wrong. Todays blood work becomes even more important as I would not be surprised to see a huge drop in the hemoglobin due to this blood loss and the possible blood loss in the colostomy. I would not be surprised at all if Nan is in the hospital by tomorrow at some point. In many ways she is in God's hands. I will get up every couple hours tonight to check to see how much blood is seeping out. We can only hope and pray that she does not lose too much tonight. Nan is in severe danger from several fronts right now but she is not aware of the blood that is leaking out tonight.
Pam has been here for several hours and just left. She held Nan's hand, rubbed her feet and let her know of her love once again. Pam has been a loyal and caring friend for many years and her visit tonight in spite of a very full day today and an even fuller schedule tomorrow is vintage Pam. I had planned to travel for several hours to do an appraisal tomorrow. I am now going to have to reschedule as I don't dare be out of town with Nan is this condition.
Nan was very lucid this evening with Nikki, Pam and Marilyn and I but you could see a look of concern in her precious eyes.
The title of tonights blog is words that Nikki spoke as we walked out to her car this evening and they really sum it all up. Why Nan should be struck with this horrid disease is beyond understanding. It is so sad indeed.
I know that many of you have experienced times like this in your lives, the suffering of a precious loved one, the grief at not being able to help or restore, the terrible weight of defeat.
I want to pay tribute to our children, Jason and Nikki who have given us nothing but joy, have been totally loyal to their mom and have demonstrated real genuine love to us both. I thank God for their love, their stability, their thoughtfulness over and over again. I'm thankful that God granted us the honor of having such outstanding people as our children.
You can tell our hearts are breaking tonight, Mom is getting hit so hard from so many different directions right now and its almost impossible to stand.
Please pray when you read this, pray that God will do what is right for Nan, we know He can do miracles and we know He knows what is best. I seek His arms of love around her holding her close.
Its hard to let you go tonight, you are so precious to us all.

love
nan and marilyn and tim

12 Comments:

  • At 1:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    DON'T SIT UNDER THE APPLE TREE
    WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT ME. (TIM/NAN)

    A BLINK OF AN EYE LATER APPLES FALL FROM THE TREE. NOT VERY FAR FROM THE TREE THOUGH.

    A BLINK OF AN EYE LATER YOU ARE WALKING NIKKI TO HER CAR AND THINKING I REALLY HAVE LOVING CHILDREN. DUH!

    Yo, Tim you are still sitting under the apple tree.

    Wes

    PS you are the guy that said to enjoy each precious moment aren't you? Well? Enjoy!

     
  • At 2:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    We all want you to know that we are with you. Slow your mind down and let God give you peace inside. You are a very wonderful husband and brother-in-law and Nan is one of the best sisters I have. I will be praying every minute today for you both, Nikki's and Jason's. I love each of you, Sharon

     
  • At 4:13 AM, Anonymous roger and carol said…

    Yes, Tim, we are all here holding you and Nan ~ Marilyn too ~ up in prayer. His ministering angels are there with their arms around each of you. God does hate suffering and longs for the day He can bring us all home with Him. Oh, how we want Him to come soon! This old world has little to offer us.

    You have all fought a valiant fight. You have done everything you could possibly do for Nan. She is in God's hands. Now rest in His arms.

    We love you and keep you close in thought and prayer. I wish I could be there with you today.

    Very special love and prayers ~ Carol

     
  • At 6:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Tim,

    You know that everyone is praying for you and Nan. Feel the warmth of that circle of loving friends as they surround you and hold both of you close.

    Imagine a place so beautiful, serene, warm, peaceful and restful.

    Rest in that place for awhile and let God do the work now. Restore your spirit, in this peaceful place, for the days ahead and what they may hold.

    love to you both

    sue m

     
  • At 8:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    We continue to pray and keep you and your family in our thoughts during this horrible and difficult time.

    Nikki's Work Peeps

     
  • At 8:37 AM, Anonymous Bob & Carrol. said…

    Tim,

    We are united with all that follow Your messages each morning in ernest Prayer for You & Your Family at this most trying time.

    We have asked the Lord that His will be done now We all must ask Him to sustain Us while We deal with the issues at hand.

    Oh Lord, Please hold this Wonderful Family in Your Strong Loving arms right now.

    We have You uppermost in Our thoughts & Prayers Today.

    Bob & Carrol.

     
  • At 9:47 AM, Anonymous barbie said…

    Dear Tim, My heart is soooo heavy. I had a very difficult time reading the blog to Gerry. I just want you to know I am praying for you. And Marilyn, I am glad you are there for the extra help that is desperately needed at this time. My tears just don't want to stop. I believe God has the best plan so we must trust in Him. Much love, Barbie

     
  • At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Tim,

    After reading the blog it brought so many memories of my father. I was there until the end, those were very difficult days but when he finally passed I felt a sense of relief as he was no longer suffering. When my late husband passed, he didn't suffer he went within the hour and it really was more difficult to understand as there were no signs of any illness(massive heart-attack).

    We are praying for Nan and for God to give you the strength to endure this difficult time.

    We are on our way to see you.
    --Connie and Art

     
  • At 11:32 AM, Blogger Irene Wing said…

    Tim,
    It hurts us all to know that Nan is getting weaker and having more bleeding problems Both you and Marilyn have provided the ultimate care for her. I know you are reluctant to call 911 because of the transition getting to the hospital. However, once Nan is there the doctors can possibly get the upper hand on things and stabilize her.
    I will be praying that God will guide you with the appropriate decision and protect you during this difficult time.
    Irene

     
  • At 12:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear Mustard Household,

    My prayers will be constant for you today. There is no limit to God's power. There is no limit to God's love and there is no limit to His wisdom. With all those prayers ascending to Him on your behalf, there's no way Satan can get through to you. Rest in God's loving care and know for certain that there is also no limit to the joy He has in store for all of you for all eternity.

    Nancy

     
  • At 2:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Uncle Tim & Aunt Nan,

    Our prayers and thoughts are for both of you today and Nikki, Steve, Keanna, Jason, Jo and little Timothy. Our God is compassionate and knows exactly what to do as long as you put it in his hands.

    We love you and please do not hesitate to ask for help...

    Rodney, Shay & Kids

     
  • At 8:31 PM, Anonymous roger and carol said…

    Hi Tim,

    I know ~ it's time for another blog, but I can't help but add one more thought. You said last night, "In many ways she is in God's hands." Until Nan is totally and completely in God's hands He cannot do His will. Just a thought....

    We love you ~ Carol

     

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