Marilyn arrives home to a blanket of snow

Dear Family and Friends,
This is my first day alone. Its not freedom, more like feeling lost. Yet I have accomplished a lot of work today, made appraisal appointments for the rest of the week, have taken some phone calls re: work and enjoyed having time with the Ahn family this afternoon. I was reminded again of how precious these dear people are, Sylvia, Kevin and Michael, God's own very special children and how supporting each other as they face this new world without Steve at the helm. Yet they shared many many blessings that God has allowed this year in anticipation of Steve's passing. Steve had long hoped that when the hour came he could go in his sleep, not end up handicapped with a stroke or some other debilitating condition.
Yet there is such a hole in all of our lives, a hole that has been filled neatly with Steve's contributions over the years. Steve could make a guest feel totally comfortable in an amazing way. His genuine interest and quest for knowledge led him to ask penetrating questions, to learn the whole story and Sylvia and the boys say that was also the way he traveled, that he could strike up a conversation in a few minutes anywhere, with anyone. In this way Steve's world grew to include hundreds of people he called friends, from all walks of life, from all financial levels, from all educational levels.
Our family members from Texas and Denver found Steve to be charming and very kind. They were won over by him almost immediately and also mourn the loss.
This will be a Christmas season to remember, 2007. Yet I do not feel that in the future years we will dread Christmas, how could we when Nan loved it so much. The many many boxes of ornaments she has collected from all over, the special Christmas cards she collected, the time she spent finding just the right gift, this was a season she loved because it allowed her to do what she did best, put her love and esteem into action, not words. So the tree always flowed with presents and like Jason said, many were extremely practical, sox's, underwear, shirts, shoes, boots, they were all wrapped carefully and placed under the tree. She introduced so many loving ideas into our family and we all enjoyed and thought we would have her forever, but that was not to be.... so today I am alone.
People lovingly say, are you OK? Well there are really only two answers to that, yes and no. So the answer is yes I am doing OK, do I like doing OK, not really yet but the time needs to pass and the work needs to get done. I miss her voice, her scent, her beautiful face, her blond hair with its darkening roots, her wrinkle free skin, her cute little toes. Yes I miss her and will forever. Yet I can almost hear her say, get on with your life, start exercising, eat better, drop the weight and live while you can.
I will certainly be thinking of Steve as I board the plane for LA and then Kona on the afternoon of the 24Th, of his quiet generosity and his approval of how I cared for Nan. His words were gently hammered into my brain, Tim, you have set the standard for care of a loved one. Actually I think I did what most any person would have done when faced with the situation I was faced with, a loving spouse in trouble needing your help, that's pretty basic, you either run or do what you can. We decided to do what we could as a couple and we did very very well in our quest for life. But the fact that Steve said it to me was the important part for I listened when Steve spoke and I believed because he never never said what he did not believe. You could take his word to the bank or to heart and I have.
Earlier this evening I heard from Marilyn. She had landed in Rhode Island and was home safely with her precious family. She sounded contented to be home. I was so relieved that she made it safely in a time of bad weather and delayed flights. And both and she and I want to thank Tim for providing those precious pink passes that she flew home on. Tim is Dana's son and works for the great Southwest Airlines and as an employee he can get pink passes from time to time. Those were very precious in a time when money was tight, they helped Marilyn come and go to be with Nan. Thanks Tim.
Well I miss the gang, I miss Dana, the life of the party and a person with a heart that is pure love, I miss Jan who can tackle any job and when she is done it is perfectly executed, Jan who has such a warm affectionate personality, Sharon, the mother of Israel, Sharon with her huge faith in our Lord, who wants, demands that we all get it right with Jesus while we can, Sharon, who blesses all with her generosity, Sharon who was Nan's other sister. Leslie who brought her youth and energy to the tasks that needed to be done, yes I miss the gang but I know they need to proceed with their lives as I need to move forward with my own. It was a very special time and Nan would have loved having David, Joe and Linda, Lorie and Don, how she loved the family.
This evening I want to ask you to remember Irene in your prayers. She is experiencing some very severe pains that so far cannot be explained and while she is under a doctors care we present her to the great Physician for His exam. Irene, we love you.
Considering that Marilyn's rap on the door came at 4: this morning I am considering going to bed now. Its been a long day but its now over.
Thank you for your calls, cards, prayers and warm wishes for our families future. I have several arrangements of flowers that are still very beautiful. I enjoy seeing them and the other Christmas flowers too. On Friday I visited the graveside and found it to be a tough experience. The beautiful flowers selected by the family were still in good condition and in spite of the wind were in place watching over Nan's grave. She is so near but so far too. Now she sleeps waiting for her redeemer to wake her.

love

tim