What a week, we are slowly recovering

Dear Family and Friends,
This morning Sharon boarded a plane at 10 am to return to Texas. She was the last of the family to head home. Seeing her leave after her helping hands were everywhere was a tough moment. She has inspired us all to be more faithful to what we know is true, to hold tightly to God's many promises and to direct our focus to living worthwhile lives in anticipation of joining Nan at the second coming. She is a very special lady who has been a best friend to Nan for years.
Marilyn helped return the rental van to its home in Tracy and then it was time to try to make sense out of my desk which is deep in paper work. I drove to Stockton this afternoon to see a property which is owned by a FBI agent. The home was perfect and is located in a quiet nearly new neighborhood. In doing research for this property I found that there were 12 sales in the past 6 months within 1/2 mile. However in looking closer I found that 9 of the 12 were bank owned. This is the worst situation I have seen so far. My heart goes out to people who were making a reasonable house payment and then suddenly discovered that they payment had nearly doubled. Many just walked away from their homes.
I have appreciated several calls today from friends and family. Nikki went back to work and so did Steve. Jason and Jo were also back at the grind. We all know that Mom would have wanted us to resume our lives and do practical things. Yet you just cannot know how hard it is to be doing something and suddenly find yourself sobbing, almost without explanation. This precious woman left her mark on many many people and our hearing about them enhances our memories. Your cards and letters are so precious and I sit and reread them. In spite of giving most of the flower arrangements to senior citizens in Tracy we still have some here and they continue to grace our home with fragrance and beauty. It is amazing how soothing a quick look at beautiful flowers can be. It says love, concern, involvement and investment in our family for its future.
Tonight I am going to go back to my own bed. I think its been over two months since I slept in my bed and now is the time. Since we had the master suite available it was used by guests who had space to relax, a bathroom and shower, their own TV and it has worked out well but tonight the family is home, only Marilyn remains and she has her own room and bath. Last night I slept poorly. I started an appraisal at 11:30 and completed it at 12:20 this morning. Then at 4 this morning I woke up with a strong sense of knowing how Nan would feel about the future. She would think we had a great 36+ years together but things had changed and now I needed to head into the future in a slightly different direction and that it was OK to do that. Then I went back to sleep until 7 when we needed to get on the road.
Because of the very hard work of the ladies many of Nan's beautiful things have been sorted and some have been alloted to different relatives where they will be appreciated. We still have a closet full of beautiful things and gradually we will work on it. When you live with someone with so much class and with such good taste it is somewhat difficult to part with everything. All these things were purchased for a reason and now the purpose has moved on.
I would like to share an amazing thing that has happened to me. Both my children had planned trips to Hawaii over the Christmas holiday. Nikki and Steve are set to leave on the 15th and Jason and Jo are going later. They are going to different islands. Due to this fact I was set to spend Christmas at home with Nan but then of course that changed as well. A kind benefactor has arranged that I fly to Kona on Christmas Even arriving there at 10:30 in the evening. I will stay in Kona at the time share for a few days and then fly to Kauai for the remainder to be with Jason and Jo. I am scrambling to find a room in Kauai but I know that will work out somehow. The kids have allowed me to sort of crash their vacations but I really appreciate the help this un named person has provided. I am very excited about getting to spend this time with my family and in a place that nan and I deeply loved. I am fully aware that I will have sad times, like when the sun sets quickly into the sea, nan and I often would go out and watch it set over the ocean enjoying Hawaiian music and the warm evening air. Yet being with these precious children will be wonderful. Plus I am a built in baby sitter and I happen to love it.
For anyone who tonight is struggling with caring for a spouse or loved one and feels like you cannot hang on any longer I would urge you to reach out seeking help, find someone like our blessed Marilyn who can give you a break and breather. There are great rewards that come from knowing you have done your best pursuing life. You don't have regrets later.
Karen Cress reports that the DVD of the memorial service is being duplicated locally here. If you would like a copy of the DVD of the service or the graveside service please email me at discoapp@comcast.net. Let me know your address and whether you want the memorial service or graveside service or both. There will be no charge but please allow a little time for us to get them to you. I would like to encourage readers of the blog who could not attend to request a DVD. The services were very uplifting and paid tribute to a very brave and courageous woman. After you view the DVD you will better understand Nan's background and the many triumphs of her life.
As I look back over the past 2 very trying years I just don't see how we could have made it through without you at our side. Every time we needed a miracle over that time you prayed and it happened.
Tomorrow night I will try to include some photos of the services.

love

tim and marilyn