Back working hard...

Dear Family and Friends,
As I write this evening I am so tired. A little while ago I developed a reaction to something so scrambled to the many bottles of medicines we have and found Nan's bottle of Benadryl. AFter taking a capsule the reaction slowed and then stopped but boy am I sleepy now.

This has been a long day, up early this morning, then to Hayward to see a cute little place, then to San Francisco to see a rental property, not so cute but lots of potential, then to Vallejo with almost no traffic which was amazing. So I managed to see the two little townhomes there and then I headed home. Stopped at Olive Garden for soup and salad and to see people, then on to home where I took a great call from Dana, so good to talk to her and find out she is doing pretty well and looking forward to some vacation time for her and Ronnie. Two of her grandchildren appear to be moving back from Dallas and will be much closer for her care and loving.

While I am writing I have Christmas programs on the TV in the other room, nice music and powerful voices. I remember the dozens of Christmas programs we sang in with the Stockton Chorale. Art Holton was director and our kids were very little then. I remember that the concert was televised each year to be shown on Christmas Eve on a Sacramento Station. What a shock to see the credits at the end of the show rolling over Jason as a tiny boy with curly blond hair stopped in motion. Now that was a show stopper for sure. Wish I had a tape of it now. I tell you when you are living a normal life you have no idea how precious photos or sound recordings could be later. This winter I intend to spend time going through my hundreds of video tapes, of our Christmases, our concerts, of the kids programs and events. I intend to enjoy these visual memories.

In the morning I am leaving around 6 am to drive to Madera which is down in the valley off Highway 99. I will see a tiny house there and then head up the road to Yosemite where I will see a ranchette with a couple acres. I am promised that there is no snow there right now and I hope that holds true until I can get back down into the valley after seeing the property and the comps, the comps which are spread over about 10 miles of countryside. Thank heavens for last Christmas and the fit from Nan, the GPS system. If there ever was a working gift this is it.

People call to encourage me and to find out how I am doing. Well the answer is complex. I am going through the motions very well and doing work, driving rationally, eating regularily, sleeping pretty well. Now ask me how much I am enjoying going through these needed motions, well not much. This afternoon when I was finally through I thought of calling home only to remember home is empty, she had to go away. I don't know how you go about filling that void, a void caused by a terrible disease that was unwarranted, undeserved and relentless in its destruction of much that we held dear. Now we pick up these pieces and try to make sense of them. So yes I'm OK and no I'm not OK. I appreciate the guideline Sylvia faxed over which shows things and events that need to take place after a loss like we have experienced. It is very helpful.

So another day, hopefully several more dollars, time has passed. Where God leads from here I don't know. I do know it was good to talk to Pam, to Glen Connor, to Jason a couple times today and Nikki yesterday from hawaii, to Art and to Marilyn with her foot of snow and more coming. To my brother Jerry who sits and waits for a train that will require his skills.

People really matter. Glen and I spent a long time discussing our mutual respect and esteem for Steve and how special he was. This evening Dana called and was just shocked into tears when she heard that that handsome guy who came to see Nan was lost. She was stunned. People always say the same thing, he stopped and talked to us, he was interested in us. What a tribute to a person, that in spite of being a brilliant physician he more importantly loved people.

Art just called, that was great to get to catch up with him for a few minutes. He has been such a stellar friend through these challenging days. You you have a friend like Art? I hope so, he is gold! Very expensive but gold! Actually I mean he has excellent taste. you really ot to see his remodeling home, what a beautiful job on all the details.

So good night my friends, my family.

love

tim
ps I don't really sleep alone. This morning I woke and 2 inches from my head Starr was sleeping with her head on the pillow too. So cute!