Finally its Friday night

Dear Family and Friends,
Nan has fallen asleep after a long day of discomfort and unease. We discovered that it was past time to change her pain patches and changed them this evening. Within minutes Nan felt better, perhaps she was going through a bit of withdrawal. We made the two wheel chair trips to and from the recliner again today without mishap or bleeding. We were up several times last night and she needed Adavan every three hours all night for comfort. Nan continues to think that the main tumor that is visible might be responding to the Nexavar. She has been incredibly faithful about taking the drug at 8 am and 8 pm without fail. I so admire her spunk and her courage in spite of feeling pretty rough.
Pam has let us know that she is going to come visit sometime tomorrow, probably later in the day and Bob and Carrol have mentioned they might get a chance to visit as well. It is always so nice to see friendly faces and I know Nan rises to the opportunity to talk with someone beyond Marilyn and myself as charming and wonderful we are.
This evening Keanna and Nikki came about 6 and Keanna is fast asleep now in her room having watched a vegetales movie about selfishness. Then we read a cute little book and had prayers. She is a precious little person and has such a tender heart for her Grammy. Its too bad she has never gotten a chance to play with Grammy when she was on her feet, going places and engaged with life. Yet we are grateful for this opportunity for Keanna to know her Grammy and to feel that special Grammy love for her. We are looking forward to seeing Jason and Jo with Timothy again when they get a chance to get away. MBA keeps them pretty busy this year and of course Timothy has not been sleeping too well at night lately either. Julie is coming soon from Denver to help out and I think they will both enjoy some help. Julie prepared a very special book with photos of Timothy for us and shipped it to us here. It is so precious and so nicely done. What a nice treat. Reminds me of the two care boxes she shipped to us in Boston that had just about everything you could dream of to eat and survive on. What a sweet person!

I am feeling pretty extinguished this evening, 1 check in the mail all week, numerous calls from creditors seeking payments I cannot make, long days and short nights and I've managed to let my weight climb to a point where I am not feeling well. This afternoon my right eye does not feel right, I've placed drops in it but something is just not quite right. About this time, 9 pm, I suddenly start to feel very tired and worn out and the rest of the evening is an experience of dragging myself to do the needed chores before we can turn in for the night. Marilyn helps so much and it would be hard to manage without her at this point. I desperately need to exercise, eat fruit, drink water, do the right things again.

I am so thankful that we are able to be home this evening, that we are free of fevers, infections, bleeding and extreme pain yet I long for Nan to actually feel better, to be able to engage in a bit of life again. I don't know what to pray for really. Can this possibly be God's will, that nan should suffer at this level for month after month? What does God have in mind?

We received a very complete email from our friend Irene who is now home recovering and doing very well. She is a very faithful courageous lady and we are thankful that Ron has his sweet lady back home with him.

Thank you for hanging in there with us as we live this life from day to day. You seem to be tireless in your faithfulness. I hear from so many people who say they have a time every day when they read the blog, many every day, keeping up with Nan's trials and triumphant. Then there is crazy Wes, what would this whole process be without his wit and insights. I often get my first smile of the day when I read his postings and smiles don't come easily right now.

I am very grateful to Nan's extended family, they have been real prayer warriors for her recovery. What a great family. Hard to remember that Dana was still with us last Friday night, how we miss her wit and energy, her love and her great food. I know she went home to some real challenges and I think she probably misses the quiet of our home as much as we miss her energy here with us. We look forward to her return when it is possible for her. Nan is also very hopeful of seeing Sharon again for a weekend when things settle down in her life to the point that she can get away again.

Thank you Lord for keeping us safe and sound this week, for traveling protection, for work guidance, for strength to keep going when it seems almost impossible to consider.

love

tim and nan and marilyn and keanna