Will tomorrow offer answers?

Dear Ones,

I'm writing earlier this evening because I intend to be in bed sooner than usual. Last night I layed awake until 1 am and then was awake again after 5 this morning. Driving back from Sacramento this evening was a sleepy trip for sure.

Nan is reclining and trying to cope with nausea and pain. She has spent most of the day upstairs but not just sleeping. She asked that I bring the business checkbook and all the bills up in a box to the bed. When she woke up she worked on sorting bills and wrote checks for several accounts, actually more money than we have in the bank so they will have to go out as the money comes in. I really appreciated her help today with the bills. While she was doing that I was driving up to North Highlands near Sacramento for a FHA reverse mortgage inspection. Nice lady, cute house and good comps, decent weather, what more could one ask for. I'm listening to a book that I first heard several years ago about the south and a deputy who struggles with anger issues and addictions and bad guys. Helps the miles go by faster. Then xm radio with the o reilly factor coming home. I really enjoy how he handles guests or in some cases mishandles them if they try to spin him.

Nan has been dealing with a lot more nausea over the past week than before and we tend to use zophram more. Got a new supply today just in time. Tomorrow we drive to San Francisco, about an hour and a half, try to find parking and then wait for our turn with the urologist, the same one that visited nan when she was in the hospital. Hopefully the visit will be helpful in coping with the leaking which continues unabated. I'm fearful of putting too much hope into this visit but it is my prayer that God will control events and people for Nan's good. We are going to see a property on the way to SF and Nan will rest in the bed in the back of the van.

Nan was so happy to hear from both Nikki and Jason yesterday and from Nikki again today, Keanna even called back to talk about her swimming lessons. She is now going underwater and loves every minute of being in the water.

We have an appraisal order for Aptos which is about 3 miles from MBA where Jason and Jo live. Just not sure when I can get there since its a couple hours distant from here. Normally we would take the motorhome down for the weekend but not sure Nan is up to that right now.

I am trying to personally figure out the lessons God has in mind for me through this time of great anxiety and stress. Every direction I turn I seem to face very difficult options, work, finding enough time with shorter days now and making sure nan is properly cared for, finances, more bills, payroll, taxes than income in spite of working hard and long hours, and Nan's situation. We are both so ready for her to feel better, to be healthier, to be more independent, for her to be happier. I can't remember when life has been more bleak and devoid of bright spots. One very nice moment happened today. My sister Sibyl called from Ohio and reminded me that she was praying intensely for Nan and has her prayer warriors doing the same. This is a renewal of a lost relationship and I'm enjoying talking to her. She sends the nicest cards of encouragement to Nan, we got one today. Another bright spot was Art's call from Indio where he and Connie are right now. He is a good friend and a good listener with helpful advice to share.

I come from a family of people who don't give up easily and I'm trying to recapture that spirit of never giving up, of stepping up to the plate and doing what needs to be done without complaining yet I'm tired and not feeling all that good these days and facing all the challenges seems almost impossible at times.

Well enough of this, Please pray for Nan's visit with the doctor tomorrow, that we will have a safe and secure ride in and out, that Irene will also have a safe trip as she is driving up to be with us there at UCSF.

Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts,

love

tim and nan