Sunday: the family cames to visit Nan!

Dear Family and Friends,

Our day started slow with intense pain and some fever. I gave Dilautid and Nan went back to sleep for more hours but the day started with the phone ringing, Nan has the phone at her side but did not realize it was ringing so we missed it the first time. Then it started ringing again and this time Nan answered to discover it was Jason. They were coming to visit today. That certainly gave us a happy jolt. So well before they arrived I moved Nan down to her recliner, on the sheeps skin Marilyn kindly bought for her and covered her with a blanket. The room was cold and the leather chair was cold too. I quickly gave her some meds and she settled in for a nap. I ate a quick breakfast and then mopped the floor in a couple places, lit the candle for better scents and went to my office to work. Right at 11:30 the happy threesome arrived but Nan was deep in sleep so they fed Timothy, changed him and eventually Nan woke up. Then Nikki and Keanna who were on their way to a wedding came by, Keanna's hair was so cute, she had slept on rollers. We all enjoyed each other, shot tons of photos and eventually Nan woke to have several nice conversations with Timothy. Some we have captured in the photos I have attached to this blog. It was so wonderful to have the whole group under the roof, we just missed STeve who was working somewhere today. Nikki and Keanna put on their wedding dresses and looked lovely, said their good byes and drove to Livermore. Later Jason and Jo also had to go to return to duties back at MBA this evening with sports stuff. It is almost magically to see Keanna and Timothy together, makes getting older very much worth it as they are precious gifts from our Lord.

Nan and I both enjoyed the wonderful lift from seeing our precious children and their children. After they were all gone and the house was very quiet we both had a good cry and Nan went to sleep and I went back to work. I've been slaving over taxes all afternoon trying to get all the data in the quickbooks pro so Ken can prepare the taxes for both 2005 and 2006. We are running out of time as our taxes are not the only ones he has to prepare. Ken has watched over us each tax season for many years and is not only a great next door neighbor but a real professional when it comes to taxes.

Well I got an early start this evening. I have Nan's TPN ready already, her meds all packaged up for the night, the bed changed with fresh linen and even a new blanket. It has been another roller coaster day for me personally. I can go for days without breaking down but in the shower this morning as I thought of jason and Jo coming with baby Timothy to see Nan I was reminded again how unfair it is that they will not have her to grow old with. I can't even get close to explaining to my own thick head how this is happening, I think I'm prepared for the next step and then it happens and I'm not at all prepared. Nan has been the hub of our family, making sure the right things were done for everyone for the past 36 years. She does not say a lot but she sure comes through in the actions department. That is why she is so frustrated now. This is not a lady who like to be cared for or smothered. She liked to be in charge of herself, did a great job of it and almost never ask for help. She went where she pleased, did what she pleased and made sure all our needs were covered. Now she has been reduced to needing me to even stand up, she is on these life supporting pumps for TPN and stomach suction, her bags need to be emptied, all of this is totally foreign to her and she does not like it. Her ability to be independent has been stripped away and it hurts every day.

I truely have never met anyone like Nan in my whole life and I've been exposed to a great many people. In some ways she thinks more like a man, not with emotion but with action, does not use words to get her way, does not like to explain her actions. But in other ways she has always been all woman. Even now with all she has been through her skin is beautiful, her eyes can blaze blue, her hands are delicate and she does not look even close to the 55 she actually is. She will never read this but its true, she is amazing. She is also in great trouble right now with no options that we are aware of to stop the tumors, surgery probably not an option and we would not know even who to ask about surgery at this point. The most courageous surgeons are the one who did her last surgery and one at Sloan Kettering in New York. An East Coast trip is out of the question since even a 1 hour drive tires her totally out for days. Here we have this mentally sharp person with good blood numbers, good vitals being choked by tumors which no one can stop. Its hard to take, to accept.

Tomorrow morning Terry the wonder nurse is coming at 9 am or thereabouts for vitals and at 10 V is coming, that is our new person to sit with nan and keep her safe. How we hope that works out OK and that Nan will come to enjoy her company. But please, those of you planning to visit, just let us know 48 hours ahead and we can cancel the helping person so you can have Nan all to yourselves. How she longs to see Sharon, Dana and Marilyn! Every day she mentions them all with hope in her voice.

I've included several photos of this afternoon. I hope you can sense how much we enjoyed seeing our precious kids again.

Please pray for Nan, its going to take another miracle to save her and we are asking God for just that blessing.

love

tim and nan

ps The delivery man just arrived with more Dilautid. The people at Critical Care Home Health are really amazing. We called this afternoon to let them know we were running out of the vital pain medicine that Nan is currently depending on most. Once again we have been the recipients of kindness and care, thank you Lisa and the people at Critical Care. You are life savers!