Nan Mustard's Recovery

This blog is a record of Erin (Nan) Mustard's recovery.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Good things come to an end

Dear Family and Friends,
Its getting late here and I'm sleepy. Today we have spent some time at the North Shore and amazingly the rain stopped long enough for Jason to do some snorkeling in an incredible place at the end of the road. All you can see is the endless ocean and the huge waves coming in crashing over and over again. Then near shore there is a quiet place to snorkel. I watched as Jason was caught up in a current and it looked like he might be going out to sea but he was aware of what was happening and turned back. He said he was swimming with fish up to 2 feet long and they surrounded him. Sort of strange but very beautiful. Then the rain started again and we headed back. We had breakfast at a local's place that was outstanding. Macadamia pancakes, omelets, fresh fruit, outstanding. Well mine became awesome after they redid it without onions. That was a rough moment since I gag over onions.
In the afternoon after we went to the hotel room and enjoyed photo taking on the beautiful beach we drove down a bit so both Jason and Jo could snorkel. Just as Jason and Jo were ready to go to the beach the rain started again, I mean serious rain so that plan was changed. We located a really good place to eat, JJ's Steakhouse or something like that. The place was filled flat screens, everyone was watching the Sugar Bowl as for the first time in many years Hawaii was playing. They had a 12 and O year but really got smashed by Georgia today. Hawaii was very quiet this afternoon as the game went downhill.
We returned to the room to rest for awhile, Timothy had a very nice bath, Jason went to sit in the hotel hot tub for a minute. Then be drove me to the airport so I could rent a car for one day. They ask on the phone what I wanted. I said, cheap and little. So I have a nice Pontiac something to drive until tomorrow night when I fly home. The kids fly out in the morning so I'm going to their hotel at 8 am to help them carry all their many items to the airport and then I'll go to museums or libraries or the beach if the weather improves. My plane does not leave until 10:30 tomorrow evening and flys directly to LA. Then after waiting about an hour I fly to SF, pick up my poor little car and head home. This afternoon we found out that the heater did not stay fixed after all. Kent had it working so well but like many times before it did not keep working. It really has a nasty problem I think and while I would love to replace it I don't want to try to find $4000 right now for a furnace.
As I reflect this evening on the events of this month I find it almost impossible to take in or accept. A month ago I lost Nan. Already a month, it seems so fresh and pain inside so real and intense that it could have been yesterday. Why really nags at me. No, I have no problem with the fact that I lost her when I did, no she had suffered far too much for any one person to cope with. I will always love her more for her courage and determination. No, my issue is why she had to get cancer in the first place. We had such a good life and a rational reasonable life and then wham, out of no where comes this huge tumor and GIST which would eventually take her life. I feel so robbed and I feel so robbed for her sake as well. Neither of us deserved this and our wonderful kids certainly did not deserve this. It is very hard not to be bitter about it all.
This morning when I was reading the comments to the blog I began to weep and just cry out. Sharron's gut wrenching narrative of her encounter with nan where nan patted her back is true, it is vintage Nan and it shows what kind of person she was.
I want to tell you, Roger and Carol, Sharon, Connie, Barbie, Wes, Bob and Carrol, I really gain a lot of strength from your comments and the love and support they express. Thank you for writing. I also enjoy the text messages that I receive. When you make contact you provide a reason for looking forward for me and I appreciate that.
I'd like to give a very special thanks to LeAnn who is my neighbor. During my absence she has fed the animals, watched over the house and made sure they did not freeze inside. Thanks so much for your help. And to Loree, thanks for keeping an eye on the business while I've been gone. I've been able to do some of it from here but not much, thanks very much.
I hope your new year is off to a great start. I've made no resolutions but I do have some intentions. God willing I will be able to help others in this year and help myself as well. I am on a quest to find happiness again and I have no idea where that may lead.

In 2007 I lost Nan and in 2008 I hope to find myself. I think she would want it that way.

love

tim and jason and jo and timothy

3 Comments:

  • At 1:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yes, Yes, Yes! Nan would want it that way ... Find yourself, Tim, you have so much to live for and you will do well. Give yourself a little more time to heal some more. When you get home keep yourself busy .. that seems to be the magic trick of not feeling sorry for yourself. When you are up to it, call us and we can come down and help clean out some of the stuff from your closets and cupboards. We have a great place to donate to here in Lincoln. Gerry just came out and informed me it was after 1 and I should be in bed so off to bed I go. Have a safe trip home and be sure your coat is handy as you will need it. We are having frost on the housetops. Love, Barbie

     
  • At 8:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    JUST A LITTLE CLARIFICATION

    Happiness might not be the thing you want to seek. I suggest you work towards joy instead.

    Happiness is a more superficial experience. Like when you are having a good time. Can you say Disneyland. Go there everyday for a year and see if it still makes you happy.

    Joy on the other hand is a much deeper longer lasting and more useful feeling. Connecting to family and friends. Satisfaction with your own actions at work and play. A comfort in a personal relatinship with God that allows you to lay off the troubles and concerns of the day. Joy real Joy wonderful Joy, now that is something to intend towards.

    Call me, I'll go with you. Bring Nan's memory with you, she was a joy kind of person. She will help us on this new (not a resolution) quest.

    Wes

     
  • At 8:58 AM, Anonymous roger and carol said…

    Good Morning Tim,

    No, "Good things " are not coming to an end. I know you were referring to the end of your Hawaii vacation and I'm so thankful you have had this time to unwind and relax. Your poor body was in desperate need of rest! "Good things" are only beginning for you. I don't know what the Lord has in store for you in 2008, but I do know He wants "good things" for you. You were "tried in the fire" in 2007. Now it's time for some good stuff!

    We woke this a.m. to strong winds, 17 degrees and snow on the ground. The sun is now shining, the wind is still blowing with a temperature of 21 and a wind chill of 6 degrees. BRRR!!! I went to my water aerobics class this a.m. and gave blood before returning home. I always think of Nan when I give blood. With what she went through I realize how important it is to give the gift of life to others. Nan would have never made it through surgery if there was not enough blood to supply her needs. Through the last 18 months she has needed the blood from a couple of blood drives. So, fellow blog readers, GIVE BLOOD!

    You have a long day/night ahead of you today. Maybe you can get some sleep before that red eye home. What a blessing to have work awaiting you when you get home. You went on vacation and still got some appointments.

    May you have a safe trip home filled with new memories of time with family.

    Love and continued prayers ~ Carol

     

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