Nan has a very long day

Dear Ones,

Nan is waiting for me to blog and then we will go up to rest. Starr kept both of us warm last night and we worked a bit this morning and Nan used the microwave towels to get ready for her big day. We left about 11:20 for SF. Nan rode in the back in the bed and it took awhile for her to get warm. We arrrived and parked at UCSF Mt Zion and found the desk to sign in for the CT scan. Then they tried to figure out what to do next, creatines were 1.98 which is the best they have been since Boston but too high for IV contrast. Then they debated having her drink regular tap water or chalky contrast stuff and water won out. They they told us we would have to go across the street to a brand new machine. They wheeled her over across traffic and the cold to a very nice group of people. Nan drank down the 2 8 oz cups of water and was wisked to the CT machine. She says it was so nice, instead of having to hold still for a long time while the old machine worked the new machine just took two shots and they were done. Then we went to the garage, paid the fee and drove down 101 to Palo Alto to see a tiny little house for a reverse mortgage. Nan had chosen to sit in the front seat after the hospital and dozed while I worked. Then she helped me with the map and we found the comps and shot photos of them. Then we started home, she decided she needed to lie down so we pulled over and make the switch. As we were driving toward the freeway we spied a Cheesecake Factory Resturant, turned around and went back to get take out. nan had some avocado egg rolls which she dearly loves and I had them make me a cheese sandwich. We sat in the car and ate while listening to XM Christmas music. Then we started home for what turned out to be a 2 hour commute, traffic everywhere, slow, slow. Finally we made it home, built a small fire, fed the fish, prepared the TPN, ran some research for tomorrow and watched Shark and CSI while working.

We are always a little tense around the CT scan time. I'm not sure when we will find out anything from this one but we need to get a copy on CD and ship to Boston as soon as possible for their take on the findings. nan expects that Dr. Meng will move forward with ocluding the right ereuter to get the leak stopped next week. We also found out today that Nan's hemoglobin is already down to 9.4 as of monday. Sure wish we could get whatever is eating red cells to lighten up. Now we really need to push the oncologists hard to get Aranas a procrit like drug that helps the body build red cells. So far no luck with the doctors and insurance.

Tonight we are thankful to be home, warm and safe. Nan has handled the day very well in spite of being very tired. She is a very brave lady, elegant, lovely and she is wonderful. Tomorrow night we get to see Keanna doing her thing. We can't wait.

Sending love, please pray for Nan's recovery.

tim and nan

Its cold in California

Dear Friends and Family,

Greetings from the winter wonderland. Its actually cold here for a change, may even get a frosting tonight. We keep our bedroom window open and last night was really cold, when I got up this morning Nan had the covers pulled all the way up so just her eyes showed. Very cute! Last night having Starr near was a real blessing, warmth!

This morning when I came down to warm the place up it was 61 degrees and it took the wood stove a bit to get the room up to 70. When Nan came down I had the heating pad on high in her chair, a blanket covering the chair to break the cold of the leather and a space heater pointed toward the chair.

Nan has felt better today with less pain in her hip, less pain in her legs and feet and the urine running into her ileostomy is clear, also the small amount of liquid in her incision wound is clear. Could it be the antibiotic doing its job on infection? Not sure and of course who really would know. Tomorrow at 1 pm Nan has a new CT scan of pelvic and abdomen at UCSF. We plan to leave around 11 so we will be in place on time. Then we scurry down to Palo Alto for an appraisal and then home. We may get a chance to see Irene for a minute along the way, all depends on how Nan feels and the traffic we encounter.

I'm just back from a quick run down to Santa Clara this late afternoon to shoot comp photos for several appraisals that need to be completed in that area. I turned out several reports this morning to lenders and several orders came in. We are very grateful to have this much work for this time of year. Now if the lenders would just pay up, it would sure help at the bank. It seems like there is a black hole that just sucks every dime away as soon or even before it arrives.

Nan has been busy today moving about on her own, writing Christmas cards, checking emails, putting wood on the fire, trying to keep warm and fighting off the animals. She was holding MooMoo and Starr started after her and the kitty put some nasty scratches on Nan's face as she fled. I know from experience that those scratches are no fun. Wish Starr would calm down.

For dinner tonight we had soup and sandwich, cheetos, milk and a few nuts. We are still very much enjoying the leftovers from Thanksgiving and the generous shopping of Marilyn. We are still eating tangerines, oranges and apples that Barb and Gerry brought. I just got back from a quick run to Safeway to buy milk, cottage cheese, more pastry shells like we had last night and 5 cheese pizza buns that Jan introduced us to when she was here.

We won't know what the CT scans show tomorrow but will get a CD to send to Boston for their reading there. It is always a very nervous day when CT scans are taken for me, less so for Nan. Over the past few years we have had good reports and terrible reports and so we are always anxious to know the results of the CTs.

Have you been shopping for Christmas yet? We are sort of playing it conserative this Christmas since funds are very scarce. We'll put lots of thought into what we buy and since we have people who love us and we love back Christmas will be just fine.

Please remember Nan tomorrow as she travels to UCSF, has the CT scan and tries to rest in the back of the van. Thanks for the phone calls and your prayers.

love

tim and nan

Another day in paradise or not...

Dear Ones,

Nan is ready to go up having had a pretty good day. She mentioned this evening that her hip pain is almost gone and that she can move about more easily. High points today were the wound care nurse, Julie putting a new incision dressing on, Nan searching and finally finding her Pug Christmas cards she purchased years ago, Nan in the kitchen making some pastry shells and light gravy with peas, a family favorite, it was so very good, Nan laughing on the phone with jan from Colorado, Nan in the office digging through papers and following up on bills paid, Nan completing an online application for disability which tooks hours of constant answering questions. So for a lady who is recovering this was a very big day of accomplishment.

Of interest is the following, we seem to be getting much more fluid in the ilistomy bag which she has had for about 4 years and much less leaking through the incision. However the fluid in both collection bags has a very bad smell and does not even come close to being normal urine which we see from the nephrostomy bags. UCSF, Stephen, called and set up a CT scan for thursday at 1 pm. While having a scan always fills me with dread of the findings we still need the scans to know what is going on GIST wise. We will leave about 11 on thursday for the drive and parking before going to hospital for the scans, then on to Palo Alto to do an appraisal and then back home.

The nights have turned cold here and since we have not yet turned on our furnace for the year the wood stove has become quite important. We keep our bedroom just above freezing but seem to both sleep better that way. It is so very special to wake during the night and hear Nan quietly breathing and see her chest go up and down. Starr stands guard keeping her warm by snuggling under the covers along side her. What a faithful dog she is and what a pest she is sometimes too.

It seems we have turned another corner in Nan's condition, she is feeling better than a week ago and the fever seems to be doing better also. The fact that the hip pain is less makes a great difference in her ability to move freely about.

Well thats it for today. I got a lot done, I am beginning to be concerned about friday payroll but its several days away yet. Only 1 check in the mail in two days but we are glad for that one check. Beats none.

Please keep Nan in your prayers, thanking God for less pain and seeking His healing and strength for recovery. We need His help is so many ways.

Keep warm, keep happy, keep positive and keep praying.

love

tim and nan

So it goes...

Dear Family and Friends,

Nan is watching news showing it snowing in the mountains, brrr, we have a fire going here, she has her TPN going strong and is actually feeling better this evening.

Our nurse came at 8 this morning, took blood samples like normal, found Nan's heart rate was 120 and was quite alarmed at the high rate. We checked it later and found it down to 115 a few minutes later. For reasons beyond us her heart always runs about 100 or so even when resting. Her temp was nearly normal when the nurse checked it. Terri is the greatest nurse and is so helpful to us. While she was here we discussed the sudden increase in the output of the iliostomy and noted the terrible smell and black flakes floating around in the liquid. Its something we need to look into. The leaking has been less today but this new increased amount of foul smelling liquid in the iliostomy does cause concern. Why is the big question.

Nan's hip is slightly better and she can walk better today. I just finished a brief round of rubbing her feet and toes with the special magic that Marilyn provides, it is such good stuff and seems to help Nan have circulation back into her feet and toes.

When I got home from my day out seeing properties in Valley Springs and Stockton and comps in Discovery Bay I found her ready to come downstairs again. She had a good day with some rest, some phone calls and was feeling pretty well. She came down and headed for the kitchen. Then she placed her order, Sams chicken pieces, cranberry sause, green olives, guava juice and a popsickle and lemon from Pams tree. She ate it all. it was a beautiful sight seeing her chow down all that food. She had me start a fire since the room was chilly and watched some reruns and then 2 and 1/2 men, such a mentally challenging show but so funny, then CSI which did a good job dealing with Iraq and soldiers in their story line. We've been watching a lot of Monk since yesterday they had a marathon of Monk episodes. Cute show.

We got more orders in today and Steve had a safe return from his trip to see his mom, grandmother and play on bikes in the desert. Always good to see him in one piece after he has been doing edge stuff. keanna was sure glad to have him back. She and Nikki had a great time while he was gone though working on Christmas plans and buying and selling items on ebay and on line in general. She is amazing in what she gets done.

I think Nan is feeling better tonight by several degrees than she has been feeling lately. Perhaps the antibiotic is helping or the rapamune or the dry air or who knows. I wish we had the mind of God so we could know what is the larger picture but since we don't have that perspective we will just continue to trust and obey. Not always willingly or happily but what else is there. We know God cares as demonstrated in what He allowed Jesus to do for us with His life and eventual death on the cross and we know that our eternity is secure with Him based on the life of Jesus. My how we wish He would fill in the blanks for us as we muddle through life day by day.

I've got to say we treasure our kids, nearly the first thing Nan tells me when I get home or we talk on the phone is, Nikki called or Jason called, those calls are so important to her and so helpful as she works through each day trying to hold onto sanity and finding reason to keep on working at recovery. We thank God for Nikki and Steve, for Jason and Jo and for Keanna. We are rich because they are in our lives.

Please keep us in your prayers for yet another day.

sending love and deep appreciation your way,

tim and nan

Sunday evening, a good day to be inside

Dear Friends and Family,

Yes this was a good day to be inside looking out. Nan spent hours this afternoon filling out a form for SDI or social security papers since she can no longer work and has not worked for a few years. She thinks they are saved in the system because when she went back in to complete the work the system was down. She invested hours of grueling work detailing her many medical experiences and doctors involved, places and hospitals etc. She worked like a trooper. Finally she decided she need to move and we headed outside into the cold for a brief walk, yes I think winter has found Discovery Bay, blustery, cold and windy at least for California that is.

I've been working in between trips to the kitchen for food, problem with having food in the frig is that it calls to you and its more fun to eat than to work. We've had a little fire going all day to keep the chill away and for a diversion I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. Hooked up the TPN bag to Nan at 8 and then back to work some more on a relo here in Discovery Bay. The poor people have been on the market for 117 days already, dropped their price and no buyers are in sight, place has a pool, corner lot, perfect condition and still no buyers. My task is to come up with a price that the company the people work for should pay for the house and then turn around and sell it and try not to lose too much money. That means relo appraisals are sort of brutal. The facts for their priced home are brutal, 37 sales in the past year, 33 homes currently on the market. That means it would take 11 months at best to sell the homes that are on the market right now. That is not a very encouraging set of numbers.

I'm going to Valley Springs and Stockton tomorrow before returning to the little lady. Hope I don't drown in the process.

Nan has had a pretty good day but lots of pain and suffering. The leak is more intense than it has been and what comes out is foul smelling, not a good sign. We can't get it sealed up soon enough!

We are both troubled by a bit of a cold today yet seem to be holding our own, not getting worse. I hate to see my wood pile diminishing, I love this wood and it just burns too fast. So far we have not turned on our furnace and are doing pretty well with keeping warm, ask anyone who has been here to visit, we end up opening the door for cooler air.

We need to ask yet again for your continual prayers for Nan, for the painful hip, the leaking, the nausea, the low fevers, for strength to begin to do more things, go places and enjoy life more.

Today I had the privilege of talking to my brother Jerry. It was good to hear from him and find out things are in Weed, cold, rainy and heading for snow, brrr.

Sending our love to all,

tim and nan

A busy Sabbath

Dear Friends and Family,

Nan is resting in her recliner preparing to go up to bed. She has had a big day. We woke up late this morning after a pretty good night. I always wake to very quiet moaning sounds from Nan as she begins to wake and the pain in her hip overcomes her ability to sleep. First we do a zophram for nausea which has now been replaced by a new drug called kytril which is also infused into the picc line. Then we switch from a large collection bag which lies on the floor and connects to the right nephrostomy back to a small leg bag for better mobility during the day. Then we drain the other three bags. Then Nan sits up in bed with great effort and pain, turns to put her feet down, I slip her slippers on and give her her robe and we are off for the beloved stair chair. Starr and Lady are dancing around our feet happy that we are finally up and going somewhere. Then we head down to the family room where I have already turned on a small room heater directed at the chair and a heating pad to warm the leather. She sits down and then we cover her with a blanket and I build a fire to take off the house chill. Then we decide if she is to have a mocha, hot water or just cold water. We check the weather channel to see what the weather is like where our loved ones live around the country from Conn., Texas, Monterey Bay, Colorado, N. Carolina.

Nan checks her laptop for emails and GIST news and feed back from the blog message. I usually drift into the office which is a room which backs to the family room to check my computer, orders and begin to plan the day.

This morning at 8:45 Nikki called to say, Keanna was dressed and ready to go to Sabbath School so I quickly built a fire for mom and hit the road. We had lots of fun at Sabbath School with the good teachers, crafts, snacks, songs. After SS we met Nikki at Olive Garden for lunch. Then home to see Nan. She was still downstairs and in fact stayed downstairs all day today with no nap or return back upstairs. I think we both napped a bit in our chairs and then the phone rang to let us know Bob and Carrol were coming to visit with a couple from the choir, Volney and Dorthea. We had a great time and served up pie, whipped cream and ice cream. About dark they headed back to Lodi and we rested some more, then Nikki and Keanna came to call. Nikki brought me a little olive pizza from Strawhat and supper for the two of them. We all ate and mom had Sam's chicken with sause, popsickle, gatoraide. Then while Nikki and mom hung out Keanna and I fed the fish and I watched her play with her dolls, feeding them medicine, bottles, blankets, stroller rides and constant commentary. What a delightful child. At about 8 Nikki began making noises about heading home. I reparked the van in the garage and settled in to watch TV with Nan until I started to blog.

She has experienced a lot of pain in her right hip, just one small place which feels like a knot but feels like fire and the pain meds don't begin to touch the searing pain. She started lovequin tonight in case there is infection starting. I am coughing and sneezing and feel less than ideal at the moment. I keep hoping I can get better soon. Tomorrow I have a lot of work to get done, a long list of things that need attention now.

I would ask that you specifically pray for Nan's painful hip this evening. This is pain so strong that it almost prevents her from walking, sitting or doing anything, acts like a deep bruise would but just keeps getting worse and worse.

Thank you for reading and caring and for the cards both on internet and through the mail.

Sending our love and deep appreciation for the visits and calls today.

tim and nan
ps I have included some photos taken recently, notice how great Nan looks!! God is good.

Another week comes to a close

Dear Friends and Family,

Nan is riding her recliner, has a blanket on and is napping from time to time. After last nights scare with the high fever and not being able to reach our doctor Nan woke this morning with a lower temperature of 100.3. It has continued to go down a bit during the day. When I came down to my computer I emailed our urologist at UCSF letting him know about Nan's current condition and that some leaking was still taking place. I was able to reach Dr. Arora one of the oncologists and he agreed to prescribe some antibiotic just in case Nan was having some infection starting. The urologist agreed with the antibiotic and said that sometime within the next two weeks we will move forward with sealing off the right uriter to see if that willo stop the leaking. I picked up the antibiotic at Longs this evening. We also communicated with Dr. Morgan at Dana Farber and he urged Nan to restart the rapamune along with continuing the Gleevec. He also agreed to take a look at a new CD when they do a CT scan at UCSF soon.

Nan's hip hurts so much that she can hardly walk and the pain meds don't even touch it. She has split her time between recliner and fireside and upstairs in bed where she can stretch out. She slept several hours this afternoon and this evening a wound care nurse came to change the dressing over the wound, clean up the dressings on the nephrostomies and change the colostomy bag. Then after she is through Nan has to stay in place for 30 minutes as the glue dries. Then she came down to eat some dressing and take meds. Now we are chillin until bed time.

Tomorrow is our Sabbath, a day for resting in the Lord. We think I will take Keanna to Sabbath School providing she feels up to it. Then we will get to spend some time together. Bob and Carrol might be up to coming over for a visit which we will enjoy. We have some cherry pie and pumpkin left from yesterday so this time we might be able to feed them a snack.

So for now we are turning in, hope this weekend is going well for you and that you experience God's blessings in unique ways.

We send our love, please keep praying for Nan's recovery and for some relief from this terrible pain she is having.

Tim and Nan

Thanksgiving evening

Dear Friends and Family,

This evening we are unwinding after a very special day. We hope your day has been special too and that you have enjoyed family, good food and a wonderful day.

Unfortunately we are also coping with Nan's temperature at 101.3. We have called our oncology team and so far have not gotten anyone to answer so we are not sure what to do next. Her temperature has been up some all day long. Yes we are concerned and yes we are not sure what to do, Nan can't take aspirin due to Gleevec so we wait and keep taking the temp in hopes it will go down. We opened the door to outside because the wood stove really heats up the interior of the house but to no avail.

When we got home last night from the transfusion Jason had already cleaned the spa and had it running, Clayton had cleaned the alge on the fish tank and Jo had cleaned the dining room table and had placed some beautiful flowers there. Since the spa takes hours to get warm we had to wait until this morning to sit in it. Spas at 65 degrees are not fun at all.

We all sort of slept in this morning and when I got up I moved some boxes to the already bulging garage to clear the living room and entry way. Jason and I sat in the spa even though it was cool outside. After we became prunes we came back in, showered and started helping out. Jo worked like a trooper helping with mashed potatoes, making vegetables, setting the table perfectly, cleaning the kitchen and a lot of other things. Pam arrived early afternoon with a lot more food, turkey, vege turkey, gravy, salad and more. Jo and I located the Martinelli's. The ladies got the table ready and then it was time to eat. Nan had started watching the parade upstairs and moved down to finish up in the family room. Jason kept the fire going, Clayton kept up to date on the office computer and helped with preparing food. He peeled and cut up the potatoes which was a big help.

Nikki, Keanna and Steve dropped by mid morning and grabbed a snack before heading for Tracy this afternoon. Keanna was dressed so cute in a matching dress and shoes. She played and entertained us all. We always enjoy seeing them and hope Steve is safe this evening as he drives down to see his mom and brother in southern Cal. Nikki and Keanna have a big day planned shopping in the morning.

Finally it was time to eat so we settled in with mom at the head of the table. We had a lovely meal, great food, nice conversation. Starr even got involved by barking as she begged for food. Unfortunately Nan got chilled while sitting at the table and finally had to get back to her chair, Jason stoked the fire up and gradually Nan got warmer. Ryan and Shannon came later in the afternoon and had a bit to eat. Shannon prepared Sam's chicken under Nan's direction. It turned out great, so very good and tasty. She was thrilled to get the recipe and changed its name to Aunt Nan's Chicken.

Finally Jason and Jo with Clayton headed home and with sadness we watched them leave. Then Shannon and Ryan hit the road and finally Pam loaded up for home. We thank them all for their help and for their being with us today to make this a special day.

We don't know what will happen tonight, if the temp keeps rising we will have to go to ER and we dread that 5 hour experience. So we pray from our heart that God can allow Nan's fever to go down tonight.

When you read this please include Nan in your prayers.

We send our love and are deeply grateful for all the blessings of this day. How we treasure times like these together.

tim and nan

Grandparents day with Keanna

Dear Friends and Family,

The high point of this day was wheeling Nan into a classroom in Brentwood and seeing Keanna who was up front singing suddenly recognize us and smile from ear to ear and mouth Grammie and Papa. She knew all the motions which match the song she was singing and I found myself with tears running down my cheeks I was so happy at that moment. Then I realized that if Keanna saw tears she would think something was wrong so I breathed deep and smiled at her. Her room is so interesting, teachers are great and they were ready for the grandparents today. We were lined up and a photograph was taken, quickly printed and handed to us before we left. We sat with Keanna at different tables where she prepared a necklace, then prepared a beautiful frame for the photo, they also had pumkin pie and milk at another table but since Nan's tummy was quesy we skipped that table. Just as we were arriving at school Nan's phone rang and it was the doctor's office telling us that no we could not get blood on friday afternoon after all since the blood would expire on thanksgiving eve so we would have to come today. I had my day scheduled tightly and so we drove back home and grabbed what we needed, drove to the hospital, signed in at 11:50 and at 1:30 they started the blood. After Nan was settled in I left for a noon appointment in Oakland which I was very late to. Turned out fine though. Then I tried to do research on the laptop using our data card and discovered that the service was on hold for lack of payment, we've paid every cell phone bill in sight but missed this one for the data service. So paid it on line and then waited for nearly 4 hours for them to figure out what was wrong, never did get to take the photos of comps I needed, finally gave up and went to the next appointment, a driveby appraisal of a home located in beautiful Piedmont which the owners think is worth 1.4 million. I think about 1.2 million. There are no straight streets in Piedmont, everything is on a hill and streets are narrow, curvy and almost impossible to find. Finally around 5 I headed back to the hospital. Nan had slept nearly the entire time she was there and actually received the blood at a much faster level than on prior visits. We got home around 8 pm to find Jason, Jo and Clayton were here, had a fire going, had power washed the spa and had it filled with fresh water, had beautiful flowers in a vase on the dining room table. The warmth of the house was welcome after the rush of the day.

Nan has had a really rough day health wise. She has not felt good and has some pretty intense pain in her hip and legs, has been on the edge of nausea most of the day and has been pretty low energy which is not surprising considering her blood was probably 7.5 or by today. She has been a brave trooper, enjoyed Keanna's big day a lot, slept as we drove to the hospital, slept after the blood started and slept coming home. We wore one of the new dresses Barb brought to her, it fit perfectly and she was so pretty in it. She felt good about how she looked I think.

Now everyone is asleep and its so special to have Jason and Jo home for the day. Tomorrow we will have a big day with everyone making food so all Nan has to do is make mashed potatos which she thinks she can handle. Pam, Ryan and Shannon are coming, Nikki, Steve and Keanna will stop by for awhile, Jason, Jo and Clayton are here so we should have some really good times tomorrow.

As we consider what we have faced this year we are very thankful to be able to be together again here at home. There were many times when we questioned whether this day would ever come. Nan has toughed through so many things, some of which she knows about and others she does not really fully understand. It has been about as difficult as it could be for the past year with some good times, some hard times, some very frightening times and many days of just holding on like Sharon says, just hold on. We can trace God's hand in some things, others we do not understand at all, only time will supply answers and solutions.

Nan was thrilled to get the chance to talk at length with David, her brother this evening. They had been missing each others calls and finally they hooked up. Nan treasures time talking with her family whether it be David, Sharon, Dana, Jo and Linda, Barbara, Aunt Ann, Jan or others.

So we move forward, seeking your help. Can you lay out before the Lord Nan's case, how much she needs His special healing hand in so many ways? Will you remind Him of her love for her Lord and for people in general, for her gentle ways of talking with other Gisters, of caring for people in hurting times.

Thank you Lord for our wonderful world of friends and family, truely we are blessed by their words, deeds and prayers.

tim and nan, jason and jo, clayton

Slow day

Dear Friends and Family,

We are watching the news and are reminded once again what a mess this world is. Yet we hold on to something more important. Nan and I were talking this evening about the blessing we are living, experiencing this thanksgiving with family and friends. Nan prepared a list today, a list for me to find and purchase at Safeways. So out the door I went and hours later I returned with everything except for 1 item that I could not find. $108 and a few sacks filled the rear of the bug. Big mistake, buy icecream last when you are shopping, not first, tends to be a big soft by the time you get home.

The visiting nurse came today and changed Nan's tummy dressing for her incision wound. The incision is getting smaller bit by bit and healing nicely. Yet after the new dressing is installed Nan hurts for awhile due to all the stress around her incision. The doctors office called this morning to let us know that Nan will get her new blood on friday at 9 am in Concord. Blue Cross will pay up to Nov. 30 is the latest word. We don't really want to take a chance on Antioch Sutter since last time they took 10 hours to do 5 hours of work.

Well we are looking forward to Jason, Jo and Clayton arriving tomorrow afternoon. Then on thursday Pam, Ryan and Shannon will come over in the morning and we will feast. Nan had me get lots of supporting things for the meal so we will do fine. It will be great to see everyone. Nikki, STeve and Keanna will drop by for a bit in the morning as they go to their special family in Tracy.

Please keep praying for Nan's healing and recovery. How she wants to get back on her feet and feel better.

Sending our love,

tim and nan

Another day passes

Dear Friends and Family,

Its 9:15, Nan is in her recliner watching CSI Miami, the room is warm from an earlier fire, Starr is standing by. I just finished massaging Nan's feet with the lotion Marilyn sends, best stuff out there we have found to relieve pain and suffering.

Barb and Gerry were with us for the first half of the day and worked like troopers once again. Gerry and I brought down loads of clothes and other items from the 4th bedroom, placed them on a table we set up and Nan told Barbie what to do with each item, some to keep, some to share with others. The ones to donate went home with Barb and Gerry along with cardboard to recycle and Pepsi cans to recycle. Gerry helped me move some wood to our wood holder on the rear deck and we found the wood cover that Nikki gave me last christmas and so we now have our wood pile nearby and dry. Barbie left the bathrooms and kitchen gleaming once again. For breakfast she made oatmeal and it was excellent. Gerry made toast and fruit and that was good too. Nan has had a low energy day today and we got a call this afternoon from the oncologist, Nan's blood has dropped to 7.9 and she needs a transfusion. After a bunch of phone calls we finally worked out asking Terri, our home nurse, to draw the blood for the type and cross instead of Nan having to drive an hour each way to the hospital for the draw. Our kind nurse came this evening, drew the blood, then drove back to Concord to the lab to give them the blood drawn. What a kind lady Terri is and how good she cares for Nan.

No sooner had Barb and Gerry left today than Nan found a bit of appetite and asked for some of Barbs roast she had left with us along with cranberry sause and green olives along with Gatorade. It is always good to see her eat and enjoy something. Very good!

Barb and Gerry helped us so much. They were fun as usual, prepared great food, worked like troopers and were just wonderful to have visit. We love to have them come visit, we look forward to it from the time we hear they can come and we hate to see them drive away.

This morning Steve and Keanna dropped in to the office, Keanna stayed for awhile while Steve inspected a couple homes and then they left to eat at the trailer, Byron Inn for non locals. I worked all day and with Jean's help got several appraisals out the door today.

So in the next two days we will be back at the hospital getting two units of blood which should give Nan a boost. We are still trying to get nan some Procrit or something similar but are not getting much help from the oncology group so far. We are so sorry nan missed a call from David today, she was just heading up to rest and the phone call was missed.

Well time to think about heading to bed soon. We hope Sharon gets feeling better soon. She will have our prayers tonight.

We send our love to each and every one of you.

tim and nan

Sunday evening - a good day with good friends

Dear Family and Friends,

We have enjoyed a very productive time with our friends Barb and Gerry. Gerry has washed months of dirt off the cars, Barbie has found and wiped out dust, dirt, grime and you name it from the floors, sinks and back deck. We certainly do thank them for their help and friendship.

Here you see Nan sporting her new hair color and look with Starr on duty nearby. We shot a photo of Gerry reading to Keanna but of course that one failed to save properly, sorry Gerry but nice story for Keanna. We have had great food today and thanks to marilyn our cupboards are bulging with great food. We will probably not go hungry any time soon.
Barb has made some great food today and Nan had a plate of food larger than any I have seen in 6 months. She has also been battling nausea all day and some pretty intense pain in her hip. I did a balancing act today of doing some appraisal work which was a must and then working with Gerry as we winterized the cover for the Supra, our boat and turned out little paddle boat over to keep the rain out. We were delighted when Keanna and Nikki dropped by again this evening. What a great surprise and to watch Keanna in action is pure joy to a grand parent! Nan and Barbie have been trying on the moomoos Barb brought back from Hawaii, photos later I guess. Helo Hattie is probably having to do a major restocking after all that Barb bought Nan.

It was sure good to read the nice input from Bob and Carrol and Roger and Carol today. What friends, busy lives yet they find time to encourage us, we thank them.

I got Nan's TPN all ready early this evening, put it in the frig and totally forgot it until nearly 10 pm so she will have it connected a little later than she likes tomorrow. Tomorrow morning we are going to work on the guest room for Clayton, he is coming soon and needs place to stay and its a great excuse to get the room cleaned up a bit but we have willing helpers to make it happen.

So we say good night to each of you and hope you have wonderful thanksgiving plans to be with family and friends. This really a time to count our blessings as we seek yet other blessings of healing and strength.

Love to all,

tim and nan

ps. yes there are double photos but once they are in I have no idea of how to get them out and I lost this blog two times this evening before I am finally getting it to publish so I'm not taking an chances with yet another loss.

Incision wound much smaller!

Dear Friends and Family,

Nan is asleep by now having gone up a few minutes ago. While my intention is always to be ready to go up with her and stay there I usually forget to blog until we are on the stairs and she is riding up and I am walking behind with the TPN backback.

She had a pretty good night and did not wake until early this morning when she needed a zophram for nausea, then back to sleep for both of us until nearly 8 am when we rolled out and came down. I built a fire to take the chill off but her nausea sort of hung over her the rest of the day. After finding out for sure that Keanna did not feel well enough to go to Sabbath School Nan and I decided that I should drive to Martinez to visit Loree who is recovering from surgery. I did that and found Loree walking the halls, doing pretty well but still experiencing some pain and not quite ready to head home, perhaps tomorrow. While I was there I discovered in the conversation that when she goes home she will need to sleep on the main level of their home for a few days since they have a very long set of stairs to reach the second floor. She will be sleeping on a hide a bed which is not reported to be comfortable at all so Nan and I decided that we could get a memory foam set from CostCo for that bed so she can be more comfortable. I drove to Tracy this evening and purchased the memory foam system which should make the bed a whole lot more comfortable for her. nan and I feel strongly that she has done so very much for us all through the spring, summer and fall, helping in every way possible, house sitting for the cats, fish and dogs, paying bills, answering the phone 24 hours a day and collecting appraisal fees. She is really quite special to us and has helped us a great deal. It is the least we can do back as she recovers. Her family have been very supportive to her and she is doing well in her recovery.

When I came in after the Martinez trip Nan asked me to come up and see something, what she showed me gave me great job. Since the visiting nurse had been here today and had changed the clear plastic cover and drain over Nan's incision wound it was possible to see the wound itself. It was so much more closed than the last time I had seen it, amazing, I mean really much more closed, parts are almost touching side to side now where they were over an inch apart before. We are both quite thrilled with the change and gratified.

Last this afternoon Barb and Gerry arrived from Sacramento. Their trip took a while due to bad traffic but they arrived with a car loaded up with more supplies from Marilyn. We are now pretty sure we could be stuck in a blizzard for a month and have plenty to eat. Our pantry is full, shelves are bulging, frig is jammed, it is so exciting and all in time for thanksgiving. Thank you Marilyn for your amazing generosity and wonderful selections. That bread is wonderful, the pineapple smells great, the grapes, the oranges, the mac and cheese, the beans and on and on. Thank you so much. Then on top of that Barb and Gerry brought some wonderful mandarin oranges they just picked, perfect, Nan ate three tonight herself. So we will not be hungry any time soon.

After Barb and Gerry came in a we got the things unloaded Nikki and Keanna turned up at the door, Nikki cooked, Keanna ate, played with little prayer books Irene had sent, helped her Grammie open many wonderful gifts that the children of the Tracy SDA School had prepared, so many yummy treats and goodies and cute things, thank you children for making Nan's day and Keanna's too as she got to help open the things. All too soon they had to go home to get Keanna to bed and we settled down to watch a tape of House, a doctor show we like and catch up on being friends.

I had a wonderful phone conversation this afternoon with special people that both nan and I really look up to and enjoy, Dr and Mrs Duerkson who we knew in southern california but have now retired to Priest Lake Idaho. It was great to get to go over Nan's medical challenges with someone who has been there in surgery many many times and to receive encouragement. I have learned a lot of how to live from these two very special people. One of the first trips we are going to make when Nan feels better is a flight to Spokane to see our special friends. Today is once again a reminder of how blessed we are to have real friends, not just polite but genuine and caring friends who touch your soul and rekindle your faith and hopes.

We will enjoy our time with Barb and Gerry tomorrow and monday doing a blending of working and getting things in order for thanksgiving this week. I also enjoyed talking to my brother Jerry this evening who was in Sacramento for a work layover and to Pam Whitted who has been battling illness but is finally feeling better. I also enjoyed talking to Shawn who helped build the home we live in and is now enjoying a new breathing machine. what a miracle for those of us with sleep apnea.

As I watched Nan interact with Keanna I was struck once again with the fact that she is an inspiration to us all and I thank God this evening for her presence, her courage, her humor, her spirit, her faithfulness and her love for all those around her. May God grant her peace, healing of the leak, continued healing of the incision wound and general good health.

with love

tim and nan

A good week draws to a close

Dear Ones,

Its 10:40, Nan has gone up to bed and has all her bags arranged for the night, by the time I go up she will be fast asleep. MooMoo slipped in and is hiding from Starr but is sleeping on the bed, that won't last when Starr gets wind of her. Nan has had a day of being on the edge of nausea, has been having a low fever of 99.7 to 100.4 all day and has not felt like doing much. She usually goes back up for a nap around 11 and lasts there until 2 or 3. She was so glad to hear from Judy Mercer today who is battling cancer and it sounds like Judy is doing pretty well overall with her chemo and radiation.

I worked in this morning and then went to STockton this afternoon to see a nice older home which was being sold by folks moving to Oregon to be near their kids. Then on to Modesto to a home that was staged with candles burning, cookies baking in the kitchen and just the right lights on. Very cute, great landscaping, perfect condition. Then after shooting my last photos before dark I faced traffic coming home. Nan wanted vitamin Cs and Ds so I hit longs here in Discovery Bay and found both. Then finally home. I've been working on a sore throat and not feeling too great for a couple days and today was not great. I drank lots of fluids today, started the vitamin Cs tonight and did a zicam earlier in the day.

We look forward to a quiet sabbath tomorrow and especially to seeing Barb and Gerry in the late afternoon. They are always so fun to be around and I got Gerry some diet Pepsis, a whole case!

They will be with us through monday mid day and we are going to enjoy their company so much. Keanna had to come home from school early today with a fever which sure played havoc with Steve's day but he kindly picked her up and brought her home. She is so precious and it hurts when she is not feeling well. Seems like lots of people are not feeling all that well these days, I know Pam Whitted has been battling illness for weeks and still working full time at her school.

We have heard that Loree is doing well after her surgery. Nan talked to her a short time today and I"m going to try to find a way over to visit her tomorrow. We sent flowers today.

I talked to Art today and Shawn and they are both doing pretty well. ARt and Connie are back in Gilroy and Shawn has a new breathing machine which he loves.

I just wanted to thank each of you for keeping on praying day after day and hour after hour. In many ways Nan is getting better, she is gaining weight slowly, is able to walk unassisted, has been in the kitchen rattling around and made some very good bakers this week, has taken care of herself every day this week as I worked more, has written checks for the business, has written thank you notes and in spite of the continual leakage has driven her beloved car to get her hair done. So we have much to be thankful for yet we continue to beg God to stop the leaking. We know He knows what He is doing, we trust Him in theory but its sure hard when Nan is so visible suffering with the 5th bag and the constant leaking.

Thanks for caring so deeply and for all your different ways of expressing your support of Nan.

love

tim and nan

Nan takes to the roads

Dear Friends and Family,

nan is resting in her chair after a very big day. Recently she was able to snag a quick appointment to have her hair cut, colored, washed, put in corn rolls, well not that last one. But I was scheduled out today so she loaded up the van, drove herself to the bank, then to the hair place, then home and then to bed for a rest. She did fine, experienced a lot of pain and soreness but she did it and I think she is pleased with herself this evening. I didn't get home until almost 8 tonight after a long day out which included a late lunch with Irene in San Jose, it was great to see her and she had some special things for Keanna. It is always very nice to get to spend time with such a wonderful caring lady.

We are so excited, Barb and Gerry Lammerding are coming this weekend and will be with us through monday. What a lift just as we start thinking about getting ready for thankgiving. They offered and we grabbed at the chance to have them visit. So we will be playing games, eating well and what a lift it will be to see them.

A big thank you to Mary for the pasta dish she brought. So far I have had 4 meals from it and its not gone yet. We are so glad she and hubby are home from jet setting in europe. Although they found the weather cold they had a blast there. It was to celebrate the fact that her husband retired from long years of service to the school district.

We have heard from both Scott and Loree's mom this evening, her surgery went well today and she may be able to come home as soon as Sat. Please pray that she will recover rapidly. She was here until about 9 last night getting everything in order before she left, funny lady, she works so hard and now she will be off for a couple weeks and will be missed.

Nan is tired tonight but pretty happy, never really far from nausea but she has learned to sort of live with it. When jan was here she found some pizza buns in the freezer and prepared them, they were a big hit with Nan. So on the way home tonight I was instructed to buy pizza buns, popsickles, fudgesickles, asparagas soup, wheat bread. I've learned to call from the store and ask if there is anything else needed.

My life long friend Judy who I went to high school with in Oregon wrote and is planning a trip to Portland to see family. Nan and I certainly appreciate her kind comments and words of support and hope she has a great trip. In fact many of you will be traveling for thanksgiving and we hope you have a wonderful time with family and friends. Our plans have us here on thanksgiving with Jason, Jo and Clayton, Pam, Ryan and Shannon Whitted and Nikki, Keanna and Steve will stop in for awhile on their way to their second family in Tracy, a place Steve lived as he was in high school, a wonderful family and his special friend Kevin. We expect to have a great time with much to be thankful for.

So we send our love and deep appreciation. Nan opened a letter from Idaho which contained a wonderful boost and a whole lot of encouragement, thank you so much! We are still in shock, good shock that is.

Good night my friends,

tim and nan

Nan watches Keanna at swimming lesson

Dear Friends and Family,

Wed. evening and Nan is riding her recliner, on TPN, room at 80 degrees and she is winding down. The highlight of her day was going to watch Keanna at her swimming lesson at the club. This precious little girl with her goggles and fins was loving the water and seems to have no fear left. She dove down deep, spashed, swam and seemed to be loving every minute of her adventure. Afterwards she came out to tell us she loved us and to give us hugs. What a great big wonderful moment it was.

Nan has not felt all that strong today and has been resting up for our trip to the club. We made it there and made it back home. Tomorrow morning she is supposed to going to Brentwood to have her hair done. Since I am scheduled out she plans to drive herself. I wish there was someone who could drive her there and back, just not sure if she is up to this whole thing yet. She is supposed to be in Brentwood at 10 in the morning and has been looking forward to having her hair worked on for weeks now. I hope it can still happen for her.

I had the pleasure of inspecting Joyce Glover's home this afternoon in Tracy for tax purposes. Joyce is a very special dedicated Christian lady who is missing Dr. Glover who we lost on Sept. 25. She is so lost without her pardner of 22 years. I enjoyed seeing her home and getting to talk with her for a few minutes. It is a lovely home with outstanding landscaping, a corner setting and is a much desired single story. I also inspected 1808 East STreet, a home that Dr. Glover has owned for many years. A home that he allowed our family to live in while we were in Tracy years ago. It felt so strange to walk through a home that we spend wonderful times in when the children were much younger. A place full of memories.

Tomorrow I am heading to Santa Clara to inspect several properties owned by the same person, a duplex, a large victorian, a small normal house and a large 3,000 sf home. The Lord has blessed us with lots of work right now and we are very grateful.

Well its time for me to go sit with Nan for a bit, sip a mocha and get ready for bed. We send our thanks to each and every one of you for your love, your prayers and for your support as we make our way day by day through this difficult time.

love

tim and nan

Not a bad day at all...

Dear Friends and Family,

As I write nan is watching a new program and resting in her recliner. Today she has experienced wound care nurse visit, washing her hair, baking potatoes using Roxanna method and taking care of herself all day long. The wound care nurse came about 10:30 and not only changed the bag which covers her incision wound but also redressed her nephrostomy tubes connections. The incision cover had failed during the night and was starting to leak, not a fun experience. The nephrostomy tubes produce a crystal like grains which are sharp as stone and can be generated around the point where the tube comes out of her back and into the butterfly keeping system which is then covered by a gauze. The nurse changed the gauze bandage and cleaned the skin surface removing all the crystals, the result is relief from pain for Nan. Yesterday she used some special powder which was prescribed by a doctor to cure a blister under her colostomy and that has helped reduce the pain in that area. Her feet continue to burn and be very uncomfortable much of the time. The nausea is better and overall nan has had a very good day. I left this morning at 9 driving to Mountain View which is about 1 and 1/2 hours distant. Then I drove on to Aptos, another 45 minutes where I was next to the beautiful Pacific Ocean for awhile doing an appraisal. I found a garden burger in Aptos and then headed back to San Leandro which was on the way home for the third FHA appraisal of the day. Then through traffic to Brentwood to pick up meds and then home for a 7:30 arrival. Nan took care of herself all day and managed to wash her hair, prepare potatos for baking and was tired but pretty happy when I got home. When I am gone she has to get up every time a bag needs to be dumped and head to the bathroom which I take care of with a beeker when I am home. I surprised her this morning by changing the sheets just before I left so when she went up to rest she found clean crisp sheets. It was time, really time for a change.

On days like this one feels we are making progress. Jean was kind enough to not only write appraisals today but also take phone calls being forwarded to her. That let me concentrate on work. Now first thing in the morning I will scan the data from the appraisals from today along with the pictures I took and she will write the basics of these appraisals. She is a very big help.

I was happy to take a call yesterday from Nate who used to help me with appraisals but has been going through some challenging times. He is doing well and getting back on track at a facility in Placerville and is starting to feel good about himself again. He has our prayers, we miss him and wish him well. This afternoon a friend of his came and picked up his motorcycles which were parked in our RV parking area, now Steve can park his enclosed trailer back where it belongs safe and sound behind the fence.

We received a very nice book in the mail today from a fellow GISTer and we can't wait to read it. We enjoyed opening the package to see what had been sent.

When we were in the hospital at UCSF Nikki ordered some special things for her mom, a cute teddy bear, a little box of designer chocolate and a little flower arrangement along with a cute little ballon. Only problem Fed Express never got it to her room, well Nikki does not like to be messed with so she followed up and on the friday we left the hospital the special items arrived in the room, but then Nikki let them know the flowers they sent were not right and the chocolate had not arrived, well now we have received a second teddy bear, three boxes of chocolate, two flower arrangement. Let me tell you, the little boxes of chocolates are the best tasting, wonderful and we are enjoying them very much. Its a gift that keeps on giving, go Nikki.

Keanna and Steve came to visit this morning, Keanna came up to be with her Grammie and they found Dora on the TV. nan explained to her that when her daddy called she would need to go quickly since he was a very busy man. So when Steve finished in the office and called up the stairs Keanna quickly put her shoes on, said good bye to grammie and headed down to go with her daddy, very impressive, quite a little lady! Nan loved the special visit and STeve found some new orders and already has them scheduled. And we received three checks in the mail today, enough to allow us to pay a house payment tomorrow, now that is a great blessing.

Well once again is has gotten later than I intended to go to bed, its nice to be home and to eat the yummy pasta Mary brought over yesterday. Tomorrow we will try the soup she brought.

Thank you for keeping us in your prayers, oh Lord please stop the leaking and give Nan health, strength and energy, take away the burning pain in her feet and legs and give her peace.

love

tim and nan

Monday evening

Dear Friends and Family,

We are blogging early tonight after a day of staying warm. We've had a fire burning most of the day to keep out the winter chill. Nan has been wrestling with a picc line that would not allow the nurse to draw blood this morning, a colostomy that is causing lots of pain due to a blister underneath, a fever of 100 degrees. Right now she is monitoring the TV because Dana said House might be coming on. We really enjoy that show being medical and all. They have even talked about Gleevec before on the show.

I've been working hard today getting conditions done and a few reports out. Loree is about to have a medical leave so our lives are about to change while she recovers. We will miss her so much as she covers so many different aspects of the business.

Nan just braved her way through changing her colostomy and then had asparagas soup, Kashi crackers compliments of Marilyn Bitzer and Gatorade on ice. Now settle in to watch 2 and 1/2 men, its a new episode, amazing.

Tomorrow I drive to Mt View and then Aptos which is next door to Jason and Jo but of course Jason is going to be out of town, catch them next time I guess. Hope to get home as soon as I can since Nan will be alone for the day. Nan has struggled today with trying to cope with pain, nausea and started the day with a leaking tummy bag which she managed to fix. Life is never really boring for her yet she copes as well as she can.

Today the leakage has been about 100 compared with 50 yesterday. How we hope it just stops for good.

Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts. We send our love,

tim and nan

A good weekend

Dear Loved Ones,

Nan and I were settled in bed, I had just climbed in after kneeling and thanking God for His blessings when suddenly it hit me, I had not blogged! Not wanting to alarm you my faithful reader I am back down here in the office sending this message.

We have experienced blessings this weekend, Nikki and Keanna were great, Bob and Carrol were great, Sharon your phone call this evening to Nan was great, getting hundreds of dollars in the mail to cover bills already written was great, sitting with nan or eating with her by the fire is great.

This morning Nan suggested pancakes so being the total chef that I am (not) I turned out some pretty decent pancakes, Nan ate about half of hers and a glass of milk. Then I worked in the office which is about 10 steps from her chair writing appraisals and she watched TV and slept. Mostly food channel and some old movies. I even took a nap this afternoon, so warm and cozy. Then I decided to take care of a rush appraisal for an old friend who has not been ordering many reports over the last few months. So off to martinez, about an hour, empty property so everything went quickly, shot the comps and headed back home. When I got home Nan was not even aware that I had returned, she was upstairs and I came in quietly so the dogs didn't go bonkers like usual. She needed zophram for nausea, slept a bit more and then came down. We had soup and crackers, milk, green olives. We watched some food channel Iron Chef show which was pretty interesting, food sure looks attractive when they are done with it. I prepared her TPN. One takes the white plastic sack of fluid from the frig, fill a needle with vitamins and more vitamins, inject them into the bag, then change needles bodies and do pepcid, throw needle away and jam a plastic insert into the bag connection, push on bag until the white fluid totally fills the long plastic tubing getting all the air out, then place tubing through the battery powered pump, turn on pump and program, clamp line, change batteries in pump if needed. zip up back pack, find patient, use alchohol swab to clean picc line, push in 10 cc saline solution to clear line, use swab again and then connect TPN line. Wait 16 hours and then disconnect line. I can now do this process almost without thinking about it and it goes very smoothly. It works wonders for Nan having all the things she needs to be healthy including hydration.

We have noticed a very small amount of fluid in the tummy bag today, we hope that trend continuesl!! This afternoon Nan decided on her own to take a walk and did so in spite of cold temperatures. She walked quite a ways before turning back. I am real proud of her for doing it in spite of it causing lots of pain while she walks.

So now we face a new week. Our fervent prayer is for less leakage, less nausea, less pain and more energy and hope. We hope to be able to see Keanna in action this week at her swimming lessons. Nan mentioned today that she is the happiest when she gets to see Keanna in motion. Thanks Nikki and Steve for bringing her over so often, soon we can come to her and help with her care and give you two a break God willing.

Our lives are not what we would desire them to be but we are thankful that we have the chance to be together and on the same team helping each other. We are thankful that Mary is back from europe safely and we look forward to seeing her soon.

Dear friends, please keep praying for Nan when she crosses your minds. She has a long ways to go but has come so far already. The fact that Juli was able to use a smaller plastic bag to cover the incision wound means something, that the wound is smaller now, that is such great news really in light of everything that is happening.

we send our love and appreciation for your help in so many ways,

tim and nan

Sabbaths are so nice

Dear Friends and Family,

Nan just got her TPN attached which will feed her a balanced diet, give her vitamins, pepcid, hydration and fats. Tomorrow around 16 hours from now she will hear three small beeps and then know that she can disconnect at any point from then on. As long as she is connected she gets a very low dose of the TPN so line never goes dry. She likes to be free of the backpack which holds the bag and pump. The line is connected to a picc line, a line which extends into her main artery near her neck and has been in place for several months. Our visiting nurse does an excellent job of caring for the picc line, changes the dressing every monday, keeps the lines clear and is the secret to the picc line health.

Nan urged me to take Keanna to SS this morning which I did. We had a good time, had lunch at Olive Garden where we hooked up with Nikki. Then home to see Nan. She had rested knowing that guests were coming this afternoon. She has had a pretty good day with periods of pain and nausea. Although Glen and Joyce could not come this afternoon since Joyce was finding a cold Bob and Carrol did come to visit. We have a very nice visit and they left just before dark. We had a fire, warm room and good fellowship. They are such encouraging friends.

Keanna and I had a fun time at SS with Kim in charge, 9 little tykes in little chairs, lambs, treats, songs, treats and fun. What a great experience. Kim does a great job with Sabbath School. It was nice of Nan to let me leave her alone so I could take Keanna.

We are winding down now, watching an old CSI which we never saw before. Our fire has burned out but the room is warm and comfy. Nan is snacking on cheetos and sipping water. Of course the dog gets a few here and there.

Over the last 24 hours the leakage was just 50 ml, lowest yet. Today there has not been much leakage either, we can hope we are on the right path. Hope and pray. This has been an encouraging day overall. Nearly $3,000 came in th email which will help cover some of the checks we have written over the last two days. That is such great news. I pleaded with the Lord this morning for some blessings and the day has brought happy times with Nikki and Keanna, a calm day for Nan, money in the mail, visiting time with Bob and Carrol. God knew what He was doing when He created a rest day. We are thankful for its hours.

Can we ask once again for your prayers. We are fully aware of how long it has been that we have been in this "in between" out of the hospital and surgery but not yet back on our feet. The days get so long, fortunately we can both sleep pretty well at night. Nan is hanging in there in spite of not feeling very well a lot of the time. Tonight she surprised me by suggesting we do nachos so she showed me how to do it right and we had a fun time with plates of nachos. Then we hit the popsickles.

Well tomorrow is a big work day for me. I will be working up a lot of appraisals that I have already seen. Plus I may have to run to Martinez in the afternoon for a rush one for our friend Alice. Nan thinks her friend from Travel, Mary has just returned from being in europe. We hope so, we missed her.

take care, we send our love,

tim and nan

Finally the week ends, Nan is holding her own

Dear Friends and Family,

Nan is sitting in her recliner getting ready to head up to bed. She has had a pretty good day with several naps, a visit from the wound care nurse Julie who installed a new smaller collection bag on the incision, does this mean the incision is smaller? Perhaps. Anyway the smaller bag appears to be working well and does not cover so much skin, less pain when it is peeled off in a few days perhaps. This evening Nan has had soup, crackers, popsickles, cheetos, an orange and water, not bad. She was nice enough to call me a few times today so I would know she was OK. I started out at 9 this morning seeing a beautiful home on the golf course first, then another nice home in Danville on that country club grounds and then on to Oakland for a cute home, then to Fremont for a more average place, then headed home through a whole lot of traffic arriving home at 4:40. I needed to get a couple things out before 5 and made it. Of course the dogs had dumped the trash all over the floor while Nan was up and I was away. This evening Nan and I have been kicking back, Nikki called and let us know I could take Keanna to SS tomorrow morning which is fine with me. We gave up on trying to get to Jason and Jo's house, Nan just is not up to it right now, 2 hours of rough riding each way, not yet. Our new shipment of lovenox came yesterday shipped to us by the insurance company approved med store, our part was only $330 this time. How nice!

We have heard that we may have guests tomorrow. If Carrol feels up to it she and Bob might come around 2:30 to 3 for a visit and then Glen and Joyce Conner are going to come later in the day. It will be nice for Nan to see some fresh faces since she mostly just sees the dogs, me and Nikki, Keanna and Steve.

I am thankful for God's blessings and sure anxious for Him to help Nan get on with her recovery. I'm trying to figure out how faith works and if I am losing mine as day after day goes by with no signs of progress. Nan is ready for progress too and gets worn down by the routine which has little joy in it. She loves to be free and independent and right now is just the opposite, trapped and confined. That is why your calls and cards, emails means so much. Sharon you are so faithful in your calling and Nan is really lifted and touched by your calls. Hopefully this weekend we will be able to catch up with David, Joe, Dana, Jan, Aunt Ann, Barbara, Lammerdings....

We are looking forward to a good weekend, will be nice to be able to be with Nan more than during the week.

Thank you for your friendship, prayers and loving support.

tim and nan

More wait and see

Dear Friends and Family,

Nan just went up to bed, bone tired but happy as could be under her circumstances. Keanna and Nikki blessed us with their presence this evening, a total surprise and it was sooooo fun. Keanna enjoyed the new book that Irene sent to her, she got a letter from someone in STockton that she will open later this evening, Nikki made great food and I ate and ate. Nikki mentioned that she is going to the gym 4 days a week now which is totally wonderful and she is feeling the soreness but also the success of it. I'm proud of her in so many ways. Tonight while Keanna was eating she looked at her mom and said I want to be tall like you mommy, well Nikki is not that tall but she is taller than Keanna, it was a precious moment. I had just prepared some asparagas soup for Nan when Nikki called. She had her soup, two popsickles, cheetos and reclined in her chair, we built a small fire which had big heat connected and watched it burn. Keanna was busy talking to the kitties, Moomoo actually came to Nikki and climbed up into her lap, thats a first!

We heard from jason twice today as he was on the road to Los Banos to visit a school for his work. The kids are so faithful about talking to their mom and it is a tremendous lift for her every time they call. She has lived for these precious kids and they have been wonderful in return, kind and thoughtful, strong and tender, staying in touch. We both deeply appreciate them and how they love us.

Nan's visit was eventful, we left about 10:15, did an appraisal in Concord then drove directly to the hospital in San Francisco. We arrived early so we napped in the car for a bit, I grabbed a sandwich nearby and then we wheeled Nan in. Irene had just arrived to sit with us in the waiting room. Well we had plenty time to catch up. We got there about 12:45 and waiting at least two hours before seeing the doctor. We were warned that he was double booked. Yet when we saw him he treated us with such kindness and gave no impression he was in a hurry. He was heartened that the output of the leak is less and his suggestion was to wait another two weeks to see if the body will heal on its own. He says that even having the interventional radiologist attempt to plug the uriter is not a for sure thing for the leaking. So we wait at least another two weeks. Nan is really having a challenging time dealing with the extra bag and the leaking, this one puts off an odor after a couple days and the only way to fix it is to change the bag and wound care nursing comes twice a week, they will be here tomorrow and Nan is certainly ready for them to replace the bag.

It was so very good to see Irene. She is a powerhouse of faith and courage. We enjoy having her with us even if we are all quiet and not saying a thing, just having her near is a comfort. She brought a book that was given by her friend Pennie and a very nice encouraging card. She brought me some persimmon dried goodies and they are good and the book for Keanna. We hope she had time to see her sister Kathy before heading home to entertain guests for dinner. Thanks Irene, you made the day bearable.

We left SF about 3:15 and drove back to Concord across the Bay Bridge with mild traffic. I finished shooting the photos of sales for the appraisal and then we drove home the back roads. We arrived home to discovery that no checks came in todays mail and Nikki tells us that there is no mail tomorrow, bummer.

I have a very big day out tomorrow starting here in Discovery Bay, then Danville, then Oakland, then Fremont and then HOME. So if any of you have a time to visit Nan in the afternoon it would be appreciated. She will alone from about 9 to about 5, longer than I like. She of course says she is fine and will do OK. I need to get her TPN going soon, I am late right now on it. Before I came back down I rubbed her feet a little and she seemed very ready to go to sleep. She slept most of the way back in her bed in the back of the van hardly waking at all. She was on the edge of nausea for most of the time we were at the hospital and had to take a 1/4 mg of adavan.

We are not surprised at the Doctors suggesting to wait, it is just hard knowing that there is leaking that should not be happening, that the incision is not yet healed and that the nausea is coming back again. We have lots to put in the Lords hands this evening.

We hope to see someone this weekend, it is always fun to visit and catch up. Today I talked to my sister, my brother, Art and of course work related people. Loree covered the phones today and said we were busy this morning. Thank you Loree for all you do.

So good night my friend, thanks Loren and Emily for the card and the green, it went into nan's purse which has had no green for months, now she can not say she is broke any more. Thanks so much.

love

tim and nan

Will tomorrow offer answers?

Dear Ones,

I'm writing earlier this evening because I intend to be in bed sooner than usual. Last night I layed awake until 1 am and then was awake again after 5 this morning. Driving back from Sacramento this evening was a sleepy trip for sure.

Nan is reclining and trying to cope with nausea and pain. She has spent most of the day upstairs but not just sleeping. She asked that I bring the business checkbook and all the bills up in a box to the bed. When she woke up she worked on sorting bills and wrote checks for several accounts, actually more money than we have in the bank so they will have to go out as the money comes in. I really appreciated her help today with the bills. While she was doing that I was driving up to North Highlands near Sacramento for a FHA reverse mortgage inspection. Nice lady, cute house and good comps, decent weather, what more could one ask for. I'm listening to a book that I first heard several years ago about the south and a deputy who struggles with anger issues and addictions and bad guys. Helps the miles go by faster. Then xm radio with the o reilly factor coming home. I really enjoy how he handles guests or in some cases mishandles them if they try to spin him.

Nan has been dealing with a lot more nausea over the past week than before and we tend to use zophram more. Got a new supply today just in time. Tomorrow we drive to San Francisco, about an hour and a half, try to find parking and then wait for our turn with the urologist, the same one that visited nan when she was in the hospital. Hopefully the visit will be helpful in coping with the leaking which continues unabated. I'm fearful of putting too much hope into this visit but it is my prayer that God will control events and people for Nan's good. We are going to see a property on the way to SF and Nan will rest in the bed in the back of the van.

Nan was so happy to hear from both Nikki and Jason yesterday and from Nikki again today, Keanna even called back to talk about her swimming lessons. She is now going underwater and loves every minute of being in the water.

We have an appraisal order for Aptos which is about 3 miles from MBA where Jason and Jo live. Just not sure when I can get there since its a couple hours distant from here. Normally we would take the motorhome down for the weekend but not sure Nan is up to that right now.

I am trying to personally figure out the lessons God has in mind for me through this time of great anxiety and stress. Every direction I turn I seem to face very difficult options, work, finding enough time with shorter days now and making sure nan is properly cared for, finances, more bills, payroll, taxes than income in spite of working hard and long hours, and Nan's situation. We are both so ready for her to feel better, to be healthier, to be more independent, for her to be happier. I can't remember when life has been more bleak and devoid of bright spots. One very nice moment happened today. My sister Sibyl called from Ohio and reminded me that she was praying intensely for Nan and has her prayer warriors doing the same. This is a renewal of a lost relationship and I'm enjoying talking to her. She sends the nicest cards of encouragement to Nan, we got one today. Another bright spot was Art's call from Indio where he and Connie are right now. He is a good friend and a good listener with helpful advice to share.

I come from a family of people who don't give up easily and I'm trying to recapture that spirit of never giving up, of stepping up to the plate and doing what needs to be done without complaining yet I'm tired and not feeling all that good these days and facing all the challenges seems almost impossible at times.

Well enough of this, Please pray for Nan's visit with the doctor tomorrow, that we will have a safe and secure ride in and out, that Irene will also have a safe trip as she is driving up to be with us there at UCSF.

Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts,

love

tim and nan

A dark day

Dear Friends and Family,

Nan has gone up early tonight to try to get some relief. Her feet and especially the little toe on her left foot are causing her terrible pain, pain almost beyond what she can cope with. It is unbelieveably hard for me to sit next to her and not be able to do anything to help with the pain. Someone suggested we put her feet in warm water, we tried that and got some short term relief, I have rubbed her feet repeatedly today with only minor relief. In addition she has been battling nausea all day with little relief from the zophram. Once again the balance between work and care was an impossible one today. I got up around 7 and slipped out so she would sleep on. I got some work done and research done before the phone rang and she was letting me know she was up and needed help. I brought her down and she sat in her chair, rubbed her feet, got hot tea. As I was working I laid out my morning meds for blood pressure, diabetes and colesteral. One rolled to the floor and before I could retrieve it MooMoo our new little kitty grabbed it and started to eat it. So I dove for her and came up with scratches all over my hands and arms. She ate the pill.
At 10 I headed to Alameda to do a review and tried to call Nan to see how Kitty was doing. Of course the lovely folk at the cell phone company had turned off the phone for lack of payment. So after a few minutes of driving with one hand and punching in card numbers I got my phone back on. When I got to Alameda I got lost trying to locate the subdivision, its too new for maps. We had a Dr. appointment at 1:30 in Tracy which is about 30 minutes from us. I could see I was not going to make it back on time so I called Nan to have her call the doctor office. I controlled the urge to race back and arrived with time to get her to her next later Dr. appointment. Dr. makker said that the lack of vit. B could cause the bottom of her feet to be hot. She had a fever at the doctors office and felt terrible. She got her Vit b shot which she has to have every month, her gave her some samples for restless leg but does not think that is what she has, put in a new order for her Lovenox shots, our part is just $775 a month.

Then we loaded up and I did an appraisal in Tracy while she slept in the bed in the car. Then we went to Taco bell as my blood sugar was real low and I was losing it. Then we headed back to Discovery Bay and on the way I did another short inspection, then we voted, you would have been so proud of her in her wheel chair voting and so proud to do so. Then home for some recliner time and the terrible foot pain. She had a bowl of asperagas soup, cheetos and Guava juice and then we really got into the terrible pain. I had no idea of what to do but just about lost it with despair. I rubbed, got tubs of water, prayed. I tell you, I felt like we were so alone in this old world. Thank goodness that Sharon called and talked a bit, helps so much. Finally at 8 I suggested that perhaps we should go up and try to sleep. I was really upset at the election outcome and had to keep reminding myself of the last election when my party won. I could say a lot about my fears for the future of this country when Godless people take control but I've said enough.

I have been trying very hard to do a better balancing job of care and production. At least three checks came in the mail today which will pay a couple bills, I'm grateful for that. And orders are coming in as well.

How I wish we could talk tonight, face to face. nan and I are so tired of endless pain and suffering, we know we have come a long ways but we have made no progress in the past month. If anything there is more leaking now than before. And over the past 3 or 4 days we are having more and more nausea. When Nan was in such pain this evening and moving back and forth unable to control herself it was awful. No one should have to hurt like this, we so need Divine help.

Right now I need to go up to her to be near if she needs me. She often is so brave in an attempt not to bother me when I'm working that she does not let me know about things she needs or feels. I don't want that either. For example, I've been unsure this evening whether to make appointments for tomorrow or not, I can't be away if she is in this kind of pain and I can't keep letting the orders get older and older without seeing the properties.

I need your help this evening / morning. nan and I again ask for your prayers for God's answers for leaking, nausea, pain, well being.

With love,

tim and nan
ps MooMoo appears to be OK with probably low blood pressure for a few days!

Another day

Dear Friends and Family,

Nan has retired for the evening. She has had a low key day with bouts of nausea several times and general unease in her GI. She did have some soup and crackers this evening with a glass of milk, two popsickles but thats about all for the day. Since it is monday two nurses came today. Terri at 8 to do blood work, take vitals and give encouragement. She is such a good help. Then at 11 the wound care nurse came and changed the device that collects the leaking fluid and directs it into a leg bag. Nan took a long nap and woke this afternoon to find me on the road to Patterson to do an appraisal. I then drove to Stockton to find two more comparables for an old appraisal and then after hitting taco bell headed home. Found nan in her chair. She was a little chilly so I built a fire but after a few hours we are sitting at 81 degrees, even got too warm for Nan. I have rubbed her feet a few times today and she has sorted mail and enjoyed several long phones calls with Sharon and Irene, those I know about. We both were saddened today to learn that our good friend Tue, I'm not spelling it right, who battled GIST for several years, went through Gleevec, Sutent, AMN 107 and natural remedies passed away yesterday. She was back in her home county vietnam and died there. It really shook both of us as we know and love her. She lived her life in a gentle and kind way with bravery and humor. Althought we did not have constant contact with her she would sometimes call or email a cheery message. Now we have lost her.

nan's vitals were good this morning, no fever, blood pressure was normal for her and we hope the blood work comes out OK as well. We look forward to our doctor visit tomorrow to Dr. Makker in Tracy and then on thursday the urologist at UCSF. Irene plans to drive up to be with us as we wait for the doctor and we look forward to seeing her again. Nan enjoyed getting a card and some very nice photos from Jan today. One of her and Jan went on the frig along with her photo of her and Roxanna. Now we need some more of her and other friends. One of Jan's photos was of Starr and Nan really loves it, so cute and precious.

I'm learning how to wait and accept. While I long for a chance to take Nan out to dinner or a movie I know that she is not up to it right now. We are very lucky if she feels strong enough to go for a short walk and get some air. I am so anxious for God to make a move to help her with her present dilema, the leaking and unfinished incision wound. I am tired of waiting, seeing her in agony enduring sharp pains that we both fear are coming from tumors. Nan is brave and steady but is very tired of the constant battle of the bags. Keeping them from leaking, emptied, safe from getting caught on things, away from the dogs, they are very challenging. Two were impossible and 4 were unbelieveable but 5 really push it across a line. Our hope is that urology will have some possible answers which could lead to plugging the leaking, that could remove one bag and possibly two in time.

Steve came to visit this morning and gave the kitties lots of loving attention. They perk up when they see him come in. He just drops in and makes their day. What a joy to have him as part of the family, the guy can do just about anything and everything is done well.

Its time to hit the sheets. How can I keep asking for your prayers like this? Well I am just bold enough to keep asking hoping that one of these days I can begin to report some progress and improvement for Nan. I know God knows about Nan's needs and will do the right thing but that timing of His is so hard to accept.

So we send our love and appreciation,

tim and nan

ps Thanks Sandy for your IRS comments. They are very helpful to us.

The weekend draws to a close

Dear Ones,

10:20 Nan is settled into bed, bags are pinned to the bed so they won't get heavy in the night and hurt her, TPN is running full force, pain meds are on board and it should be a good night. Nan complained this morning of leg and foot pains all night, said her feet feel like they are on fire and rubbing them with lotion calms the pain. So I have done that several times today. I can tell Nan hates to ask for my help but there is no one else here to rub them and she does not dare bend that far or the tummy dressing / collection bag will become dislodged and start leaking and when that happens it is disaster. Nan has had several bouts of nausea today, one after eating a yummy orange and one after eating a lemon from our own tree, exciting really. However she quickly recovers after losing a bit of fluid and feels better.

nan had me pick up a couple things after I did some appraisal work in Brentwood this afternoon. She hoped to be able to guide me in fixing some vege scalops but didn't feel up to it by the time I got home with everything, I had to go to two different stores on the opposite sides of brentwood to find Best Food Tartar sauce. Anyway we have all the supplies on hand now for the next time she decides we can make some special things. We had a fire this morning and managed to get the house so hot that it even made the fish tank get too warm. Nan likes it warm, makes her feel better I think. This afternoon she came down from a nap and decided to go walking. She walked the furtherest yet while at home. She felt it but I think was proud of her accomplishment. We had planned to pay bills today but managed to not do so, in the morning after the visiting nurse leaves we had better get some things mailed out and hope the money will come in to cover the basic bills.

I've managed to provide a bowl of cereal for Nan's breakfast, popsickles, ice water, hot tea, asparagas soup tonight we crackers that are actually current. The ones we had were up in 2004, no wonder they tasted stale. Nikki is great about helping us keep our stuff up to date. She looks at me and simply says, Dad throw it away and then being an obedient dad I do. I carrried the bag from the compactor out to the trash can tonight for tomorrows pickup and it must have weighed 40 lbs. Mostly baby food that we no longer need and is far out of date.

I really appreciate some emails I received today reminding me of positive things I have done in the past. These emails are a real boost in dark times like the present. Thank you very much!

Tomorrow I am going to Patterson and Los Banos for appraisal work. One is even COD which of course I love, money in hand for ready deposit. Yes! I have work to do in Tracy, Concord, North Highlands, Oakdale, Alameda and one local one.

Nan and I thank God for life, for the ability to be home, not at a hospital, for friendly phones calls, for enough to eat, for a good bed for sleeping, for a warm environment. Mostly we are grateful to Jesus who gave His life that we might have eternal life and the hope of living with healthy bodies forever.

sending our love and deep appreciation

tim and nan

Prayer request

Dear Family and Friends,

Its a pleasant sunday morning and I just finished unloading and loading the dishwasher while enjoying the views of a fall season over the lake. Nan was awake for a few minutes when I came down and mentioned that she had been awake a lot during the night with leg pains and burning feet. As I layed there and prayed I realized that I have not mentioned this pain issue to nor have I asked for prayer for it. For several weeks Nans feet often burn like fire and sometimes it goes up her legs as well. She longs to have them rubbed and I have come to realize after Jan was here how desperate Nan is to have some relief. I am doing a better job of rubbing her feet often and doing better at the actual process. The way I am made makes me very timid to try something that I might not be good at, which means I don't try most things in life because I am not really all that good at anything anymore. I used to be able to preach pretty decently but of course I only preach when I am driving alone these days and I used to be able to sing well but small little nodules in my voice box have put an end to that pretty much. I know how to work hard but often procrastinate in getting my work done or started. So I'm not to high on Tim these days. I know I face some big challenges right now and I'm not running from them, just feeling very confident either. In that light I have been reluctant to really do much in the way of massaging Nan's body and most recently her feet. But I have discovered that whatever I do seems to be a big help to her and to see relief on her face means everything.

I've got to admit I have no idea what God intends for us and for Nan. Why she has to go through such terrible ordeals is way beyond me. In the last three months we have moved from terrible rectum pain to gut pain, increased leaking which slowed the incision healing, leg pains, nausea, fevers, transfusions. The recovery since June 6 has been tough, so tough on nan that she is feeling the strain of the months passing and has come to a point where many of the normal things of life are no longer normal. She continues have a great inner strength but is much weaker emotionally than before. This is getting to her and I don't blame her one minutes for it. How could it not when every time you think you are making progress another intense pain begins, another health issue looms over you. If what we have always been taught that God does not allow more than we can bear is true, then it is about time for nan to catch a big break.

I am writing in the quiet of my office this morning to just ask you if you would take a moment and lay out before God what Nan is facing and ask Him to provide His answers, His healing, His comfort, His visible blessings. Nan is a very unique person, those of you who know her really well know that she does not talk about how she feels very often and you often will not even know what she is really thinking. She is intensely private with a strong Nelson will, loves to be indepentent, to be able to climb on a plane and travel to N. Carolina, Texas, Conn without explaining herself to anyone. She loves to be with safe people, those people who will not turn on her and has surrounded herself with some of the worlds most interesting and wonderful people, you all. But the Nan you think you know is very tired right now, tired of endless needles, hospital rooms, pains, bags and not knowing what is to happen next. If for any reason you have held off letting her know how you feel toward her in the past it might be time to let her know how you feel right now. In many ways her health is strong, yet she really needs all of our love and support right now. She is a beautiful and courageous woman who endures on any given day things that would make the rest of us cringe yet she does it all with dignity and steadfastness. When you call or send an email you are investing in a human being and your words are appreciated and treasured.

So this morning my altar call is this, please pray for Nan's painful feet and legs, for the uriter and illilal loop and for the leaking to be healed, for the terrible GIST tumors to be held in check, for the Gleevec to work in holding them back and for Nan to have peace with courage to battle on.

Thank you very much,

tim

Quiet Sabbath - we kept warm and cozy

Dear Friends and Family,

10:30 Saturday evening, Nan went up a few minutes ago after having a low key day. The highlight of the day was the arrival of a little person who came in, checked to see if the dogs and cats had food, fed them and watered them, checked on her Grammie and then prepared to have a Belgium Waffle Pappa was making. She ended up eating three! She and Nikki were on their way to Stockton and came in to bring us some much needed cheer. It worked!

Nan says she woke around 6:30 but we didn't climb out until about 7:40 this morning after going to bed at around 2 am. Nan did feel stronger today. When we moved to the family room we built a fire and raised the temp from 65 to about 78. Nan likes it warm these days. She had a mocha this morning, we watched the weather channel to see what kind of weather Sharon, David, Dana, Joe and Linda were having, also Roger and Carol in N. Carolina and Roxanna in Conn. Always interesting to see what kind of weather is hitting Ohio where my sister lives or Houston where Dana lives or Denver for Jan. Seems to bring them closer to us.

At Nans requesting I have rubbed her feet and legs several times today and late this afternoon she decided to take a long walk down the block. Walking causes pains in her hip and legs but she does it anyway knowing it helps more than hurts. The house felt so warm after being outside. When we got back she told the dogs I would take them to the park so I did and they loved it totally, didn't notice how cold it was outside. We watched a Jodi Foster video this evening, chilling one about her daughter disappearing on the plane, very exciting and sort of dark. We got Nan on her TPN about 10 tonight instead of the 2 am last night. She is still not feeling real great and is feeling the weight of the 5th bag and the leaking that has not stopped yet. She longs to have her independence back and to be able to come and go when she feels like it. When you call then for a few minutes she is there with you and life is better again.

We enjoyed being together without work intruding today. Some money arrived in the mail so now payroll is assured for last friday and we can get started on the stack of bills we face. Again some money came for the recovery fund and Nan and I thank you for it. Bob Miller is so faithful as the treasurer of the Tracy SDA Church in passing along the gifts. It seems like nearly every time receive a check it comes at a time of great immediate need. I was able to shop at Safeway for several things we needed and the total cost of the shopping was covered by the generous gift cards that were given to us. We are set for many days I think food wise, between that given by marilyn and that which Jan bought when she was here we have few needs.

I hope we can find a reason to get out and about tomorrow, to get Nan beyond these 4 walls. We will see. She hates to have to go through the process of getting dressed and knowing what to do with all these bags. it is not easy at all.

As always we need your prayers. Please dear Father, heal the leaking places and make Nan strong again. Not because we are worthy or deserving but because You Father are worthy and loving to your children.

love

tim and nan